Anxious driver is compelled to take the wheel

DEAR AMY >> I have this “thing” about needing to drive, no matter whose vehicle it is. I have to drive. Otherwise, I'm a nervous wreck.

This began right after our daughter died in a car wreck in 2006. She was 19.

I know this is a mental issue, but being aware of that doesn't help.

I feel like if I drive, everything and everyone will be OK because I'm a very safe driver. I also watch other cars like a hawk.

My husband hates this because I adhere to the speed limit, especially on the Interstate, where nobody drives the speed limit. He gripes the whole time.

He knows why I do this, but it doesn't stop him from being vocal about how much it annoys him — and that makes me even more nervous.

I wish I could be the passenger so I could relax, enjoy the view or sleep. I cannot make myself relax; I'm so anxious and afraid.

I would like to get over this. I want to be unafraid — the way I used to be.

I'm tired of being afraid of everything. This manifests in other areas also.

Is there a name for this? Could my ADHD have something to do with this?

DEAR LIONESS >> I am aware of a designation that might apply to you: “CG,” or “Complicated Grief.”

For you, this manifests through your intrusive thoughts and the compulsive need to drive — otherwise you feel unbearably anxious.

You can feel better — and you will feel better — with treatment. (And yes, in my amateur opinion, your ADHD is related to this.)

The event that brought this on is so tragic. And of course you are reminded of this every time you get into a car.

But your brain is working overtime trying to make the world safe, and your need to control some essentially uncontrollable aspects of your life must be exhausting for you (and yes, frustrating for others).

Knowing that your experience is caused by “a mental issue” is good, but in this case awareness is only the first step. I hope you will seek out a grief counselor or grief group to talk to about your loss. This is one step toward healing.

Your family doctor should also refer you to a psychiatrist or trauma specialist, who could help to set you on a healthier path through talk therapy, holistic coping techniques, and medication.