Partner ignored by family wonders why

DEAR AMY >> I am 35; my “fiancé” is 40.

We have been engaged for 11 years.

My question is

NOT about why we haven't gotten married.

I am wondering why his father has not made any attempt to make me feel welcome, even after so many years of us being together.

Almost every weekend, his father comes over and picks up my fiancé. They then go back to his dad's house to hang out for the majority of the day.

Even the simplest greetings are met with blank stares. He completely ignores my presence!

Amy, I can't even get a “hello” out of the man.

My partner always says, “Just give him time.” Then he changes the subject.

My family has gone out of their way to make my partner feel welcome, because they know that I love him and he is a part of my life.

I just don't understand why he hasn't done anything to remedy the situation. Or why I have not gotten a valid reason for his father's choice to completely alienate me, even though he welcomed in his brother's psycho girlfriend into their lives with open arms.

Am I wrong for wanting to be accepted by his family?

And if not, then to

at least be given a reason as to why I'm not accepted? — Left Out

Woman

DEAR LEFT OUT >> You aren't wrong to want acceptance from your partner's family — or anyone.

However — you and your “fiancé” (to use your quotemarks) are extremely passive in your response to it.

Your 11-year engagement might be a clue that you two are extremely similar when it comes to your passivity (and patience).

Being similar does not mean you are wellmatched, however.

“Give him time” is an elastic concept to your man. Glaciers have melted faster than he seems to move.

This problem should call up larger questions for you: If this man has been rude to you for over a decade, why haven't you called him on it? And why hasn't your guy?

Also — would you spend part of every weekend hanging out with someone who was mean to the person you loved — even if your hang-buddy was your parent?

As passive and patient as you have been, this might be the moment for you to consult your sundial and say, “time's up.”