Spouse sees marriage consumed by differences

DEAR AMY » When I married my lovely wife, one of the reasons I wanted to spend my life with her was that I valued her intelligence.

Now, many years later, I can’t mention the latest pandemic news, or anything else for that matter, without her going ballistic if it doesn’t support what the (outgoing) president is espousing in his latest Tweets. She believes that anything reported in the mainstream media (especially the newspapers, which she totally despises), is a lie.

This leaves very little for a person who has no political affiliation to talk to her about. It is also very tough to get her to go along with many of the COVID-19 safety guidelines.

She also wants to relocate from a very nice area — and the community I have lived in all my life, because she feels the state government is too liberal.

I am feeling pretty lost right now. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

— Lost in California

DEAR LOST » Without judging your wife’s intelligence or political opinions, it is obvious that you two are at a relationship impasse.

When she talks about moving and leaving the state, is she really talking about leaving you? It undoubtedly feels that way to you.

Couples on opposite ends of the political spectrum can have healthy relationships as long as each recognizes the other’s point of view and tries to understand their rationale for their viewpoint. Have your wife’s overall views toward the world changed, and if so, can she explain when this happened, and why?

Without offering kneejerk and defensive reactions to one another, you --and she — might find a sliver of common ground upon which to rebuild. And then you both can revert to the age- old wisdom of picking your battles wisely.

Marriage counseling could help you to communicate more effectively about your problems, including discussing the direction you each see your lives taking.

Her reaction to the idea of meeting with a counselor would reveal the extent of her commitment to moving your marriage back toward the center of your lives.

DEAR AMY » “Concerned” reported that her very close friend had recently suffered the loss of her own dear friend, a married man who Concerned suspected was more than “just a friend.”

You encouraged Concerned to dive in and try to figure out the nature of this relationship. Amy, it is none of her business!

— Upset

DEAR UPSET » “Concerned” was genuinely worried about the extreme grief her friend was experiencing over this recent death. She reported that her friend seemed to want to talk about the nature of the relationship. Because of that, I encouraged Concerned to remain open and available to discuss it, without judgment.