Coffee with Satanists

In the interest of stemming the QAnon conspiracy theories about Satanist pedophile rings in Hollywood, I’d like to share my experience with actual Satanists in Hollywood. The truth is so much more boring than the (completely false) conspiracy theories.

Even still, until a few years ago, I’d keep my black cat in the house around Halloween each year because of rumors common among cat owners that Satanists like to abduct cats.

Then, one day I was out with a friend and she told me she was a Satanist.

My friend seemed so normal! She was a military veteran. She worked in IT. I knew that she had clashed with her parents over their belief in evangelical Christianity but — what?

The Satanic Temple is essentially a political protest group disguised as a religion. If another religion wants to have prayer in schools or the Ten Commandments in a public building, these Satanists show up to say it’s only fair that they give the school children Satanic coloring books too or something. It’s a political tactic to enforce the separation of church and state.

Once I’d established that my friend wasn’t going to harm my cat, I left it alone. Satanism wasn’t for me, and my friend’s beliefs were her business.

Then one day she needed a ride to a Satanist meetup in Hollywood … and I wanted to go to Hollywood. They were meeting somewhere kind of touristy that sounded fun.

I ended up hanging out with the Satanists through a fluke. As we walked in the door, my friend began talking to a woman who was also there for the meetup.

I stuck around while we chatted about fourth grade, and then mostly killed time. I got a coffee. I ate some pie. It was a boring night.

The only people who could believe that Satanists would make a sex trafficking ring obviously have never met any real Satanists.

As the people who work to save real sex trafficking victims point out, QAnon’s hysteria over a made-up story diverts resources from helping actual victims. If you want to truly help victims of sexual abuse, donate to an organization like the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN).