Friend wants to use reader’s talent pool

But what you can do in the future is stop talking about the machinations of your interview process. Your friend has told you hers. She waits to hear what her friends and colleagues have learned about people and picks from their rejects. If you don’t want her to do that anymore, stop talking about what you do and who you’ve met. What you don’t tell her, she won’t know.

Dear Harriette: I interviewed a number of dynamic people for a project recently. I could hire only one person. I was telling a friend about my experience, and she asked me if I would refer the people I hadn’t hired to her. This put me in an awkward situation. The job I had to offer was very specific and different from what my friend needs. Perhaps someone might work for her, though.

Something about my friend asking rubbed me the wrong way. What I realize is that every time I go through an interviewing process, this same friend wants to take her pick from my group. I spend a lot of time and effort soliciting talent for my projects. My friend told me that she only wants to interview people who have already been vetted by people she knows. She admitted that she wants me to do the work for her. I take offense to that. Should I refer her to the candidates who might be good for her, despite me being miffed at her for mooching? — Freeloader

Dear Freeloader: If you truly believe you have met a candidate who would be good for your friend, don’t keep that information to yourself. Share. But what you can do in the future is stop talking about the machinations of your interview process. Your friend has told you hers. She waits to hear what her friends and colleagues have learned about people and picks from their rejects. If you don’t want her to do that anymore, stop talking about what you do and who you’ve met. What you don’t tell her, she won’t know.

Dear Harriette: My girlfriend and I decided to lay off the booze for a month. We had been drinking too much all last year. While it was fun, we knew we were overdoing it. Anyhow, for all of January we went cold turkey. It was good for us. But then we immediately started drinking again when February started. And we overdid it. We both drank a lot and woke up hungover. It was awful. Does that mean we are alcoholics? — Can’t Stop Drinking

Dear Can’t Stop Drinking: You can decide for yourself or with a medical professional as to whether you are alcoholics. What you have clearly identified is that you like to drink and that in the past you have drunk too much. Why not go back to your January plan and stop drinking again? Follow the idea of one day at a time. Decide that today you will not have a drink. Get through today, then go for tomorrow. If you aren’t interested in stopping completely, give yourself a day of the week when you can have a drink. Decide in advance what that day will be and how much you are allowing yourself to consume. Do this with your girlfriend so that you can support each other.

If it is too difficult to drink in moderation, you may have a drinking problem. If you feel you need help to stop, get it. You can visit Alcoholics Anonymous online to get started at aa.org.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.