Mom steals stories, and then shares them
DEAR AMY >> My mom frequently “shares” things via social media that she has no right to share.
She’ll take a picture that we have posted on Facebook or Instagram and post it herself; (almost as if she was the one who took it), often relaying the story of the picture as if it’s her own — basically “stealing” it and reposting it herself.
Recently, she posted on Facebook about my and my fiancé’s wedding date, stating, “So excited for a [wedding month] wedding!” and tagging us.
This was before we (the actual couple) had even announced it.
I told her to take it down and explained about what a violation it was.
She eventually said she understood where we were coming from and took down the post, but within the same day posted a funny story about OUR (meaning mine and my fiancé’s) dog that I had told her.
Neither of us had shared that on social media, ourselves. It was via phone conversation. We live across the country.
I know the easy answer is to not post what we don’t want shared, but she’ll post things we tell her via phone, too.
It’s hard for her to be an empty-nester. But I want her to understand that the only way we’ll tell her about things is if she can respect that we don’t want it “shared” with the world.
If I don’t talk to her or tell her about our lives, she lays in a huge guilt trip about how she “doesn’t even know us anymore.”
— Too Much Sharing
DEAR TOO MUCH >> You seem to have explained the implicit privacy contract that family members should adhere to on social media. I wonder if your mother understands how posts and photos can be shared with people completely outside your (and her) circle.
This is especially a violation when it comes to weddings, pregnancies, job changes, and the like — because her choice to post about these things before you are ready could harm (or ruin) other relationships.
She does not have the right to “take” your personal story and broadcast it widely.
Strictly speaking, reposting photos of you without your permission is actually — illegal.
You should tell her that if she continues to do this, you will feel forced to disengage from her completely on social media. Say that you consider this both a last resort and a natural consequence of her (extreme) violation of your privacy.
Otherwise, check your FB privacy settings to see how you can “review” any posts you’re tagged in. You can also control who sees posts where you’re tagged.
DEAR AMY >> I’m concerned about misinformation in your response to “Mum About Medical,” who didn’t like to answer questions regarding her COVID vaccination status.
You wrote: “Mainly, the vaccination protects you from the more serious illness caused by the coronavirus. But the vaccination also helps to protect others, because if you don’t contract COVID-19, you won’t be spreading it.”
That is incorrect. Vaccinated people can be asymptomatic carriers. — Concerned Reader