USA TODAY International Edition
‘ Last Knight’ doesn’t end soon enough
Michael Bay exits ‘ Tranformers’ series on a ludicrous note
If Optimus Prime, Autobot leader and all- around mensch, really wanted to save humanity, he would have stopped director Michael Bay around four Transformers movies ago. The quality took a precipitous drop after the strong first live- action film in 2007, and while it’s not as mindnumbingly offensive as the Revenge of the Fallen sequel, the fifth installment, Transformers:
The Last Knight ( eEEE out of four; rated PG- 13; in theaters nationwide now), is an exhausting marathon of complete nonsense.
Even if you love alien robots punching each other while tossing out insipid one- liners, it’s a painfully long two- and- a- half hours with too many plot lines.
In terms of manly manhood, Mark Wahlberg continues to be a cut above original star Shia LaBeouf. A hero of the last film,
Age of Extinction, Wahlberg’s inventor Cade Yeager is running a junkyard and harboring Autobot fugitives including Bumblebee and cigar- chomping Hound ( voiced by John Goodman) when the world deems Transformers illegal after all the damage their battles cause. The government, however, has no qualms about partnering with evil Decepticon leader Megatron ( Frank Welker), though he has tried to take over the globe multiple times.
But Decepticons aren’t even one of Cade’s top- five issues. After his allies — including feisty Izabella ( Isabella Moner) and comic relief Jimmy ( Jerrod Carmichael) — are attacked by Megatron’s minions, Cade is inexplicably whisked away to England to partner with haughty history professor Vivian Wembley ( Laura Haddock) and oddball lord Sir Edmund Burton ( Anthony Hopkins). In rambling fashion, Edmund tells how Transformers have been a part of history since the Dark Ages and now their home of Cybertron is a few days out from smacking Earth Armageddon- style.
Also not helping: Optimus ( Peter Cullen) has been turned into the super- bad Nemesis Prime, and Cade’s crew has to find an ancient magical staff, save the world and give Optimus a hug. Grounding Transformers lore within the annals of civilization — i. e., Bumblebee fighting the good fight in Nazi Germany — is at least one good idea explored amid a dizzying amount of awful.
For every intriguing theme, there are about 20 ludicrous concepts. Characters disappear for half the movie, returning when narratively necessary.
A trip back to the time of King Arthur — who, fun fact, had a three- headed Transformer dragon — is ruined with a drunken Merlin ( Stanley Tucci). The mighty Dinobot Grimlock is relegated to being the family dog. Cade calls Vivian’s tight outfit a “stripper dress,” a misogynistic comment that’s oddly uncalled for and out of character.
The final act is a non- stop, special- effects bludgeoning of the senses that is zero fun. Worst of all? That Last Knight title is a misnomer: Bay has warned that this is his franchise finale, Wahlberg is tapping out, but the climax sets up a sixth Transformers.