USA TODAY International Edition
Do I need to disclose my workplace relationship?
Johnny C. Taylor Jr., a human resources expert, is tackling your questions as part of a series for USA TODAY. Taylor is president and CEO of the Society for Human Resource Management, the world’s largest HR professional society.
The questions are submitted by readers, and Taylor’s answers are edited for length and clarity.
Johnny C. Taylor, Jr.: We spend more than one-half of our waking time at work, often with people who share our interests. So, it should be no surprise that romantic relationships can blossom in the office.
One out of every three U.S. adults said they are or previously have been in a workplace romantic relationship, according to research from the Society for Human Resource Management.
In this #MeToo era, employers could enforce strict policies forbidding workplace relationships, but experience tells us office romance would still happen.
What is important is disclosure. While many workplace romances are perfectly acceptable, there are instances when intimate relationships are out of bounds. These include some relationships involving a significant imbalance of power (senior management person and a newly hired younger employee, for example).
Such circumstances could lead to real or perceived favoritism and the potential for intimidation, retaliation or sexual harassment claims. That’s why about one-half of companies have policies about office dating.
Q: Shortly after I started working for a small company, I developed a friendship with one of the branch managers. After a few months, it grew into a relationship. Now, a year later, a new company policy requires that all employees who are in a relationship with a workplace colleague notify their manager and HR. I would rather keep this private, but I also don’t want to ignore a policy. Should I notify my boss about the relationship? – Anonymous
Taylor: Failure to notify your supervisor and HR is a violation of company policy, no matter what job you have. When your relationship is discovered – and note that I said “when” not “if ” because relationships are often revealed – you could be reprimanded or, worse, fired for failing to follow policy.
Let’s look at this more closely.
In truth, speaking up about a workplace relationship can cause a lot of angst. You might be asking yourself: What will happen to me? Will this change how leadership or my co-workers feel about me? Will the company give me the chance to do a different job if it considers the relationship a violation of policy? These are natural questions.
But also consider your organization’s culture. Speaking up may be valued at your company. Also consider why this policy was created. Have there been situations that were handled poorly by employees? If so, you want to ensure a different and positive outcome.
No matter your apprehension, you should make the right choice by disclosing your relationship. Select whomever you feel most comfortable with, either your manager or someone in the human resources department, to speak to first. This will allow you to be more candid.
And keep in mind – telling HR and your manager is not making your relationship public, as they should keep this conversation confidential.
Before you come clean about your relationship, have a conversation with the other person involved. Consider what options the two of you could bring jointly to a meeting with a supervisor or HR.
Your company might decide that a change in roleswould be necessary. Most importantly, make it known you want to be part of finding a solution that suits everyone involved.