Couples urged to talk in depth about retirement

People know they aren’t saving enough for their golden years, but at least they’re talking about retirement with their significant others.

Couples say they discuss retirement planning an average of 14 times a year, according to a telephone survey of 1,008 adults, sponsored by Capital One ShareBuilder, an online investing site.

The survey shows 72% of employed adults say they’re contributing a percentage of their annual income to retirement, tucking away an average of 6.4% of their annual incomes. Folks think they should be saving about 12.1%.

If you’re saving less than 10% for retirement, especially if you’re in your 40s and 50s, that’s not enough, says Dan Greenshields, president of Capital One Share- Builder. Ideally, at that age, you should be saving in the mid-teens to 20% of your income, but most Americans can’t save that much because they have so many financial demands, he says.

Couples may believe they’re talking about retirement planning 14 times a year, but that may mean they’ve mentioned the word retirement or simply talked about finances, he says. Not enough people are having indepth retirement discussions.

He says it’s especially important that couples discuss the lifestyle they want to have and where they want to live. You can live in some rural communities on half the assets that it takes to live in many big cities, he says.

He advises couples to try to make retirement planning fun by having the discussions over dinner at a restaurant. Try to figure out what’s important to each of you, what expenses you have, what you want to do for grandchildren and whether either of you plan to have a second career.

St. Louis psychologist Diane Sanford, 57, who often counsels couples struggling with money issues, says, “I’m happy to hear couples are talking about retirement planning 14 times a year — I thought they wouldn’t be talking about it at all.

“If you compile a budget for six months of all your expenses, which my husband and I did, then you’ll see what you need to save to create the lifestyle you hope to have in retirement,” she says. “The budget provides a neutral way of starting the conversation about retirement savings.”

One of the worst mistakes partners can make is to start blaming each other for spending too much. It’s better to work together than “pick each other apart,” she says.

Couples who fear they won’t have enough to retire may feel especially deprived, and under those circumstances, it’s easy to blame the other person when, in reality, no one is at fault, says Joe Burgo, a psychologist in Chapel Hill, N.C. “Coming together as a team, agreeing upon and sharing the sacrifices, will help them weather the disappointment of living on less than they had expected.”