‘Fifty Shades Darker’ leaves our desires unsatisfied
There are a lot of negative things to be said about Fifty Shades Darker. But it does impress in one sense: The eroticalite sequel somehow manages to be worse than the stupefyingly bad Fifty Shades of Grey. Directed by James Foley ( Glengarry Glen Ross), the abominable Darker ( out of four; eEEE rated R; in theaters nationwide) takes its pair of complicated Seattle lovebirds — billionaire bondage aficionado Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) and his doe-eyed paramour Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) — on a second cinematic chapter filled with predictable twists, naked bedroom antics that could double as an infomercial for Sex Toys R Us, and unintentionally hilarious dialogue.
The twosome decoupled at the end of the first Fifty Shades — and, honestly, should have stayed that way, since it was two hours of Ana getting all manner of red flags that Christian is bad boyfriend material. Yet it’s not too long into Darker that Christian wants to “renegotiate the terms” of their relationship contract from the previous film. In short, the guy wants to prove to Ana that he loves her more than he loves his kinky proclivities.
Christian’s got some serious issues from his childhood, which he begins to reveal to Ana.
Meanwhile, she tells him she wants to take it slow and five minutes later, they’re entangled in one of the movie’s many lovemaking sessions. Ana bristles every time Christian tries to exert power over her, yet instead of running for the hills, she continually gives over to that control, be it in Christian’s infamous Red Room or outside in the real world.
In the screenplay by Niall Leonard ( Fifty Shades author E.L. James’ husband), there’s no plot of any actual importance — the narrative comprises silly soapoperatic shenanigans that exist merely to break up soft-core sequences of Christian and Ana getting busy.
To its credit, Darker introduces a couple of interesting wrinkles in a troubled stalker (Bella Heathcote) who used to be one of Christian’s submissives and Ana’s skeezy new boss (Eric Johnson), yet both of their story threads are thrown aside in frustratingly quick fashion without giving their antagonistic presences time to blossom. At least Kim Basinger gets to chew some scenery as Christian’s own Mrs. Robinson, who wants to keep him on the sexy dark side.
Johnson still hasn’t found the right role to showcase her skills, because this surely isn’t it.
Dornan is quite talented — as anybody who’s watched the British TV show The Fall can attest — but he inexplicably loses his mojo in these movies. Together? Well, any pair of fish lying next to each other at Seattle’ famed Pike Place Market have more chemistry.
After one round of carnal pleasure, Christian asks Ana why she waited until 21 to lose her virginity to him. Her answer is that she was looking for someone “exceptional” who could measure up to the kind of men Jane Austen and Charlotte Brontë wrote about.
She can do better, and really, so can we.