LOVE IS IN THE AIR
Workplace relationships can lead to a fulfilling, long-lasting partnership — or a workplace melodrama that disintegrates into hurt feelings, charges of favoritism or even termination.
Before Mary Baker and Nicole Mezlo were spouses or even friends, they were colleagues, working for the same public relations firm in Washington, D.C.
When they finally began dating, they kept their courtship secret for nearly three years, not telling their co-workers until they became engaged. And while their relationship led to a loving marriage, both say anyone who considers dating a colleague needs to embark down that path with their eyes wide open.
“It’s hard for me to say to somebody not to take a risk when for me, it turned out so well,” says Baker, 35, who no longer works for the same company as Mezlo, 40. But if a relationship goes awry, she says, it can negatively impact your career and your peace of mind. “I can’t imagine if I was dating a person and it went downhill going to work every day and having to see that person.’’
There are countless couples who have begun dating while working together, be it in an office, at a restaurant, or on a movie or TV set.
Singers Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton became a couple after coaching together on NBC’s
The Voice. Melinda Gates was first asked out by her boss, Microsoft founder Bill Gates, in a parking lot. And former President Obama began dating former First Lady Michelle Obama when he worked as a summer associate at her Chicago law firm and she was his mentor. Such relationships can lead to a fulfilling, long-lasting partnership — or a workplace melodrama that disintegrates into hurt feelings, charges of favoritism or even termination. “You always want to tread carefully, no matter how innocent or exciting it might seem in the beginning,” says Rosemary Haefner, chief human resources officer for CareerBuilder, a recruitment firm that conducts an annual poll on romance in the
workplace. “It might be a consensual, healthy relationship, but once that’s exposed in a work environment, you can’t always control how that’s going to be perceived and how that might come up years later.’’
Still, “no matter what policy or program a company has in place,” Haefner says, workplace romances are “going to happen.”
Some 41% of workers have dated a colleague, according to a CareerBuilder survey released last week. And 30% of those relationships resulted in marriage.
It’s not surprising that many people develop feelings for their colleagues, with whom they share a common mission and who they may work beside for hours and hours, day after day. “You spend time together,” says Jean Baur, a career coach and author of books on how to rebound from a job loss and how to excel in an interview. “You get to partner up with different people, work creatively with them. ... and in most cases, you get to really know people slowly, which is an awesome foundation for a relationship.’’
Sandra Gasparovic, 48, who met her husband, Michael, 52, when both worked for Michelin North America’s information technology department, says that being in the same workplace environment and having the same work-based friends aided their romance. “Having that commonality, sharing the same things, has certainly helped,” says Gasparovic, who is currently a career manager for Michelin while her husband is a purchasing agent for the company.
Still, when a co-worker initially wanted to set the pair up back in 1999, both resisted for more than a year. Prior to taking a job at Michelin, “I dated someone from work,” Gasparovic says, “and when it didn’t work out, it was somewhat awkward. I didn’t want to go down that path. I wanted to keep my personal life personal, and my professional life” professional.
The couple eventually spent time together on a golf outing and began dating. Michael proposed five years later when he joined Sandra at the end of a work-related trip to France. They’ve now been married for 10 years.
But workplace romances don’t always have happy endings. Messy entanglements can trigger charges ranging from favoritism to harassment. To guard against those challenges, the percentage of workplaces that have established rules regarding workplace relationships nearly doubled between 2005 and 2013, growing from 25% to 42%, according to a 2013 survey by the Society for Human Resource Management. Such restrictions might include prohibiting employees who have the same supervisor from getting involved, or barring staff members from dating a client.
“Companies are by and large getting a little smarter about the importance of having mechanisms in place to protect themselves from sexual harassment complaints when these workplace romances occur and, as a majority of our relationships do, go south,’’ says Edward Yost, a member of the Society for Human Resource Management’s employment staff, specializing in employee relations.
And if the couple splits up, the staff may pick sides, “creating more of a morale issue among employees who weren’t directly involved in the relationship,” Yost says. “(It) could potentially cost you both employees.”