FERNANDEZ IN MARLINS’ THOUGHTS, HEARTS
Mattingly hopes team channels his love of game
Losing a loved one too soon can force you to grow up fast, but the Miami Marlins hope the tragic death of ace Jose Fernandez will help turn them back into little boys.
The club’s pitchers and catchers took to the practice fields behind Roger Dean Stadium wearing patches on their uniforms honoring Fernandez’s No. 16 and remembering the transparent joy and inimitable spirit their fallen teammate brought to the club. Fernandez and two friends died in a boating accident Sept. 25 with only six games remaining in the regular season. The offseason gave Fernandez’s teammates time to grieve, but as team President David Samson noted, the healing process is one that will take years, not months.
“You felt it today when you walked in — his locker isn’t there,” Samson said. “It’s the first spring we’ve had in a long time without Jose, and you can feel that difference. You look at the patch on everyone’s jersey, and you can’t help but think about him.
“It’s beginning to come up in ways where the sadness is replaced by an occasional smile. I’m hoping for the guys, and for everyone that loved Jose, that eventually the sadness turns into smiles. But it’s just not today.”
An electrifying talent with a compelling back story and magnetic personality, Fernandez appeared primed for transcendent superstardom when his life ended less than two months after his 24th birthday. Samson indicated that the club will honor Fernandez at Marlins Park throughout the year and Fernandez’s locker at the stadium will remain empty in perpetuity. Manager Don Mattingly said he hopes the club will honor the pitcher’s legacy by enjoying baseball as much as Fernandez did.
“I don’t think you can go through something like that and not be changed,” Mattingly said Tuesday. “For me, what I like to think about is that little kid. The way he played was with that joy you think about when you start playing. When I think of Jose, I think of that little kid. That’s really special. You’d really like your guys to have that feeling.
“Change happens all the time, for different reasons. That situation has the power to change you and at least remind you of where you came from and where you started. We all started there. Everyone started loving to play.”
Fernandez’s friend and fellow pitcher, A.J. Ramos, echoed his manager’s sentiments.
“He loved so hard, he cared so much, he showed so much pas- sion,” Ramos said. “He was himself 100% of the time. Playing with some passion, playing with some joy. We get paid to play a game. Sometimes we forget that. Sometimes we forget that kids are watching us, and when kids watched Jose play, they got excited — ‘That’s like me, when I play.’ So if we can do that a little bit more, I think we can loosen up a little bit and actually play better.”
Second baseman Dee Gordon, who hit an emotional home run at Marlins Park one day after the tragedy in the team’s first at-bat, said, “Me and him shared that joy. Some guys who may have not seen the game as joyful as he saw it are now seeing it that way. I’m glad guys are starting to get that.”
But it would be overly simple to suggest that the Marlins players will be able to turn their loss into something positive so swiftly. Fernandez was not just a young pitcher with a big breaking ball, a bigger smile and an even bigger strikeout rate. He was a man — a son and a grandson and a boyfriend and a buddy — and his teammates miss him.
“It’s just weird, man,” Gordon said. “You’re used to hearing him talking trash, telling you how good he is or that he’ll strike you out, seeing his bike in the weight room, just stuff like that. Listening to him while he’s hitting ( batting practice), telling everyone to watch him. That’s the stuff you miss, and we can’t get it back.”
Said Ramos: “I was almost late (to practice), so right off the bat, Jose would have been yelling at me. So I could hear his voice. He’s present, I feel like, spiritually. It’s hard to get him out of your mind — not that I ever want to. Little things you do, you just think, ‘I wonder what Jose would have been doing right here?’ It’s still fresh, the first spring training without him in a while. So it’s something you need to get used to.”
Newcomers to the Marlins clubhouse, meanwhile, must join a group so recently united by tragedy.
“The 16s are everywhere, so you’re reminded of it constantly,” said relief pitcher Brad Ziegler, who was signed in December. “I had never met him, and it was tough for me to watch from a distance. I know these guys loved him and cared a lot about him, and he cared for them.”
Pitcher Edinson Volquez, who was signed in part to take Fernandez’s spot in the rotation, will negotiate his first spring with Miami while still mourning another death — that of his former Kansas City Royals teammate and Dominican countryman Yordano Ventura.
“It was a tough year because I lost my brother, I lost Ventura, and we have lost a few members of my family,” Volquez said in Spanish. “It’s tough, but you learn to live with that. The best thing for me is to be at the ballpark and to have teammates around me so I can get away a bit from the pain and the grief.
“I think (Marlins players) are going to use it as a motivating factor to honor Jose Fernandez, who was a leader on this team. I think they’re hungry to win for him and to give their best to keep his name on high.”
Mourning is always difficult, but the particulars of playing Major League Baseball mean that those in mourning also must often answer questions about the process. Mattingly referred to Fernandez’s death repeatedly as “that situation.” Gordon briefly fell into a cliché before catching himself.
“I know that he would want us to keep going,” Gordon said. “You know what? I take that back. A lot of people say he would want us to keep going. Jose would not have wanted us to keep going (without him). He would want to be here. He just loved everybody; he wanted to be a part of it. He loved being a part of us.
“Me saying, ‘Oh, he would want us to keep going,’ I honestly feel like that’s a lie. He would want to be right here with us, like, ‘ Wait for me. Don’t forget me.’ ”
They won’t.