SNAGS FOR UNWED COUPLES,
Taking a relationship to next level has plenty of pitfalls
“Divide up the big-ticket items so there is a clear owner.” Melinda Opperman, Credit.org
For couples looking to take their relationship to the next level, moving in together can be an emotional — and financial — game changer.
“When you live together, you are in a financial commitment,” says Shelly-Ann Eweka, a Denverbased adviser with financial services company TIAA. And money issues can damage those romantic bonds: 24% of Americans said they’ve ended a relationship over money and 58% said they would rather be single than have a financially irresponsible spouse, according to a December 2016 survey by financial planning platform LearnVest.
With some open discussion, planning and even some legal help, cohabiting couples can set themselves up for a greater chance of domestic bliss. Here are the steps to take:
FRANK TALK ABOUT FINANCES
Share credit reports, disclose details on any debt and discuss each of your savings goals, advises Melinda Opperman, a spokeswoman for credit counseling agency Credit.org. “Live-in couples need to be tackling life as a team,” she says. “If you’re not fully forthright, it could add to frustrations later on.” Financial conversations can be challenging, particularly if both parties have different spending styles. If you don’t agree with your partner’s approach, sandwich any criticism between two positive statements, says Jennifer Thomas, a psychologist and coauthor of When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right
with Those You Love. Couples should have periodic check-ins about money, she says, and if something specific about a partner’s spending habits is particularly frustrating, it’s important to speak up about that as early as possible. Otherwise “you could develop contempt for your partner,” she says.
SHARED OBLIGATIONS
Together, create a plan on how you will pay shared expenses such as rent or utilities. For instance, if both partners earn roughly the same amount of money, each might contribute half to shared expenses, says Amy Godwin, a vice president and senior branch manager at Fidelity Investments’ Bethesda, Md., office.
However, if one person makes significantly more than the other, the couple may also want to discuss the possibly of each paying an amount that’s proportional to their income, so the lower earner doesn’t hurt his or her ability to save, she says.
CREATE A BILL-PAYING PLAN
Implement a system to make sure the bills are paid on time, and that each party pays his or her fair share, says Credit.org ’s Opperman.
When Kerri Moriarty, 28, and her now-husband Chris Taylor, 30 moved in together three years before getting married, they established a joint checking account for shared expenses of their of Watertown, Mass., residence. Each deposited a fixed monthly amount and Moriarty set an iPhone reminder to pay bills such as rent, cable and utilities each month. “I’m one of those crazy organized type A people, so it made sense that I would be the one to do it,” she says. They kept the rest of their money separate so “there was no speculation on how the other was managing their money,” she says.
ALTERNATE LARGE PURCHASES
“Divide up the big-ticket items so there is a clear owner,” says Opperman, who also advises couples to keeps a written record of who bought what. In the case of a break up, the person who paid for each high-priced item retains it. For instance, one person keeps the sofa while the other takes the big-screen TV.
HAVE AN EXIT PLAN
Draw up a cohabitation agreement that details how finances will be handled on a regular basis and details how any shared assets will be divided if the relationship ends, says family law attorney Tara Scott. “It clearly spells out what everyone’s duties and responsibilities are,” she says. Scott recommends that each partner hire their own attorney to ensure that the terms are valid.
OWNED REAL ESTATE
If owned real estate, rather than rented property, is involved, the financial situation gets more complicated, says TIAA’s Eweka. For instance, if a partner not on the title pays half of the mortgage each month, he or she will not legally own any of the property unless the title is changed so that both parties are represented, she says. She adds that it is often strongly advised not to add an unmarried partner to the title of a home “because it could lead to serious legal complications if the relationship takes a turn for the worse.”
THE UNMARRIED PARTNER
Unlike those who are married, unmarried partners do not have rights to each other’s Social Security benefits or retirement plan benefits, says Eweka. Likewise, unmarried partners may not be able to make decisions for one another if one is incapacitated. “Estate planning is critical to make sure your live-in partner has a say in your care and finances if you become ill, and inherits what you would like them to after your death,” says Eweka. If you want your live-in partner to make financial decisions on your behalf or be the beneficiary of your assets if you pass away, have an estate planning attorney draw up appropriate paperwork such as a will or financial power of attorney, says Eweka.