Psychologist praises athlete for courage in coming out
Licensed clinical psychologist Susan Wilson said she still gets “teary-eyed” when she thinks about the courage of one of her former clients, Ryan O’Callaghan, a former New England Patriots and Kansas City Chiefs offensive lineman who publicly came out as gay Tuesday.
Wilson was the first person O’Callaghan came out to in a first step toward digging himself out of what seemed a once-in-evitable suicidal fate. She originally started seeing O’Callaghan after a referral from the Chiefs’ head trainer. O’Callaghan, who originally revealed his story to Outsports.com, said he had developed an addiction to painkillers.
“We kept coming back to why? Why take your own life? And he was so mysterious about it but not ready to share why he wanted to die. One day, he came in and said, ‘I’m gonna tell you.’ Afterwards, I could see how relieved he was to get it out,” Wilson told USA TODAY Sports by phone Tuesday afternoon. “I felt honored he told me, and I also praised his courage.”
Wilson said in her 15 years working in the NFL — she worked for the league’s substance abuse program and was part of the Chiefs’ Employee Assistance Program, serving as a therapist — she encountered many other closeted players in the NFL. Because of non-disclosure and privacy agreements, mental health counselors in the USA typically cannot provide information regarding any of their clients unless ordered by courts.
“The only thing I can say is Ryan is far from alone in terms of being an NFL player struggling with the sexual orientation he has,” Wilson said. “In general, sports like the NFL tend to be very masculine envi- ronments, so it is incredibly difficult to come out as a gay man.”
Wilson believes the closet in the NFL is a product of general sports culture — littered with homophobic language.
“Ryan’s fear was that the NFL world would reject him,” Wilson said. “People don’t realize that words hurt very deeply. And that can contribute to people feeling ostracized. Even if the hate doesn’t exist, it’s a very real feeling.”
O’Callaghan joins a short-but-impactful list of former NFL players to come out. Michael Sam came out before the NFL draft and was in training camp with the Rams and Dallas Cowboys, but he was released by both and never played a regular-season game.
“Any time an athlete comes out and is courageous enough to tell their story and talk about their journey, it can help people going through the same thing,” Wilson said of the ripple effect she believes O’Callaghan is creating. “It’s incredibly inspiring. I’ve worked with a lot of LGBT people, and the coming-out process can be a very painful process. I told Ryan after he came out, ‘There are a lot of gay men living wonderful, fulfilling lives, and there’s no reason you can’t be one of them.’ But he couldn’t see that at the time. He said I don’t see how that’s possible.”
O’Callaghan, who spent his career blocking for Aaron Rodgers at California and Tom Brady on the New England Patriots, told Outsports that he couldn’t recall hearing a gay slur during his four seasons in the NFL, though he felt pressure when women were discussed in the locker room. He credited the Chiefs staff — namely Wilson and then-general manager Scott Pioli — for ultimately saving his life.
“All I had ever done was think how bad the reaction would be,” O’Callaghan told Outsports. “It takes a lot more strength to be honest with yourself than it does to lie. It took a while to build up that strength to even tell (Wilson). You have to build up trust with someone. Just telling her was like a huge weight off my shoulders.”
Wilson, who currently serves as the vice chancellor of the division of diversity and inclusion through the University of Missouri-Kansas City, said she used love and compassion to help O’Callaghan come out to her — and eventually to his friends and family, and now the world.
“In my work, I try to connect with a person on a healing level by being accepting, opening and a good listener,” she said. “It took a little minute to build up a rapport with Ryan. In his eyes, we were very different. I’m African American and from an urban background. He’s a (6-7, 330-pound) white guy and from a small place in California (Redding) where diversity isn’t as (prevalent). So this was a story of two people with very different backgrounds who were able to help each other. Because me helping him be himself has helped me tremendously in my life and been so rewarding.
“Ryan was going to take his own life based on fear. Now, he’s living life helping others (debunk) it.”