Trump’s job review, from Putin with love

Dear Donald:

Sincere thanks from Russia’s leadership for your unstinting work on our behalf. We realized, when preparing this one-year performance review, that you have done so much for us — including your verbal attacks on U.S. allies while singing my praises, encouraging racial and religious animosity among Americans, dismantling the State Department, undermining the FBI, NATO and NAFTA and much more — we could only highlight your major successes.

You’ve devastated America’s ability to lead the world, and draw on allies for support, even faster than we thought possible. This couldn’t have gone better. Across 37 countries, Pew Research reported confidence in the U.S. presidency dropped from a median of 64% under President Obama to 22% under you. The confidence of key U.S. allies plummeted even more dramatically.

You’re also doing a fantastic job steering America into a major conflict. Instead of trying to avoid a disastrous nuclear war with North Korea, your team openly speculates that military action might be necessary. What a great way to send North Korea’s paranoid, nuclear-armed leader over the edge! With a bit more bellicosity, you could trigger a clash that devastates America’s ally South Korea and lands a nuclear strike against a major U.S. city. And we’re pleased you’re keeping your options open for a war with Iran.

You’re a genius at convincing your base you put “America First” while you severely damage U.S. interests. Your decision to recognize Jerusalem as Israel’s capital didn’t benefit America, but did anger the countries that buy U.S. exports. So much for putting U.S. trade and jobs first! Your Jerusalem gesture resulted in America’s absolute humiliation at the United Nations — demonstrating you’ve made the U.S. impotent in international diplomacy.

At your insistence, America withdrew from the Paris climate accords, isolating the United States internationally. In just the past year, the U.S. had several major climate-related disasters, resulting in damages in excess of $200 billion. But you’ve staffed your administration with climate change skeptics who often have no scientific background! You’ve adeptly set the stage to further weaken an unprepared USA through future climate disasters.

The consensus is that your new Tax Cuts and Jobs Act will do little to increase U.S. economic growth, but (by adding substantially to budget deficits) it will further enfeeble the U.S. government. Even better, from our perspective, is the act’s attack on one of America’s great strengths — its research universities. Currently, 11 of the world’s top 20 universities are American. They contribute significantly to keeping the U.S. a world leader in technology. The legislation imposed (for the first time) a tax on some of America’s most successful research universities. Please use your anti-intellectual GOP to do even more damage to them. Hopefully, you’ll destroy them as successfully as you’ve destroyed respect for America!

Your most significant achievement is normalizing Russian interference in U.S. politics. Your GOP is openly called the Party of Putin, and an increasing percentage of Republicans view Russia favorably. GOP lawmakers are sending a clear message to the FBI that it should not be investigating our activities. Meanwhile, you’re doing nothing to protect America’s upcoming elections from our manipulations. Excellent!

Of course, the year wasn’t perfect. The U.S. Congress did make a show of voting additional sanctions against Russia (we’ve noted this happened despite your objections and your delayed implementation). We understand that occasional token gestures are necessary to maintain the facade of U.S. independence from Russia’s orbit. However, keep these setbacks to the bare minimum!

Overall, your first year in office has been outstanding. We have hopes that by the end of your presidency, you will have completely destroyed America.

— President Vladimir Putin

Steven Strauss, a member of USA TODAY’s Board of Contributors, is a lecturer and visiting professor at Princeton University’s Woodrow Wilson School.