Calkins column: It’s time to start hating on Canada (when it comes to hockey)

KWANDONG, South Korea – Brianna Decker blasted a puck off the post and Hilary Knight missed a wide-open net and the game ended with the USA losing again, and I am telling you, my fellow Americans, that it is time.

Time to start hating Canadians. Time to work up a good loathing for the people who brought you maple syrup, Williams Shatner and (this is true) the game of Trivial Pursuit.

No, this will not be easy or as much fun as hating Russia or East Germany. But we work with what we’ve got. And what we’ve got is a Canadian women’s hockey team that hasn’t lost an Olympic game since 1998, that has won the past four gold medals, that won the past four games against the USA heading into this Olympics and that defeated the United States again Thursday, 2-1.

So when I tried to ask U.S. coach Robb Stauber if he were frustrated, he didn’t even let me get the complete question out.

“Are you fr ...”

“NO! NOPE! NO!”

In other words, yes, yep, yes. Of course they are frustrated. Who wouldn’t be frustrated?

The USA has won seven of the past eight World Championships. When nobody gives a flip. Then along comes the Olympics, and it’s competition of a different, um, colour.

Canada defeated the USA for the gold medal in Salt Lake City 5-2. Canada defeated the USA for the gold medal in Vancouver 2-0. Canada defeated the USA for the gold medal in Sochi 3-2.

True enough, Canada did not defeat the USA for the gold medal in Torino, but that’s only because Sweden knocked the USA out of the tournament first.

So Thursday’s preliminary-round game might have been technically meaningless but it didn’t feel psychologically meaningless, not given the history of these two teams.

What happened?

What always seems to happen. Canada won and the USA lost. It didn’t matter that the USA outshot Canada 45-23. It didn’t matter that U.S. forward Jocelyne Lamoureux-Davidson was awarded a penalty shot.

“I’ve seen that move on YouTube,” said Lamoureux-Davidson, describing her failed attempt. “I’ve done it to our goalies a couple times.”

Our goalies are evidently not Canadian goalies. You could start hating them, too.

Thursday’s Canadian goalie was Genevieve Lacasse, who stopped 44 of 45 shots and then dismissed it as no big deal.

“They got a lot of shots but not necessarily a lot of quality ones,” she said.

OK, but how about the three shots that clanged off the post?

“I think most of them hit the outside of the post.”

Insufferable, isn’t she? Just like the entire Canadian team. And I don’t actually believe that, but in circumstances like these you tell yourself what you must.

Just like Stauber, honestly, who was telling himself that his team will win the next time because it’s only fair.

“We expect a reward for our effort and our honesty and sticking to our game plan,” he said.

I expect that effort and honesty don’t always carry the day when dastardly Canadians are involved.

They helped burn the White House, you know. Back in 1814. And they invented Canadian bacon. And they live longer, happier lives than we do.

So by all means, hate the Canadians. The nicer Red Machine.

“We’ve just got to get ’em next time,” Meghan Duggan said.

Or try again in four more years.