Look who’s talking about Bruce
Roast of “Die Hard” star gets weird.
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. – The Celebrity Roast of Bruce Willis was, in a word, bizarre.
Sure, the premise has always been nutty: Comedy Central welcomes a diverse group of entertainers to say the nastiest things imaginable about one celebrity who can use the exposure. But that aspect of the show was fine, even welcome, in an age when politically incorrect jokes can earn descriptions as “unfortunate” or “distasteful.”
It was strange because the nebbish Edward Norton emerged as the hero of the night and “Die Hard” action star Willis came across as much more oddball than alpha. It was weird because the usually outrageous Dennis Rodman spent most of his time at the microphone apologizing.
“I’ve never done this before,” Rodman kept telling the crowd before trying again with mostly genital-themed jokes. People booed when he compared Willis’ “bomb movies” to real bombs “at least Kim (Jong Un) is smart enough not to release.” Then he realized he, too, was bombing: “Aw, this sucks, doesn’t it?”
This year’s roast, taped July 14 and airing Sunday (10 EDT/PDT), again features a dais filled with a peppy roastmaster (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), actors, comics and one “what the heck are they doing there?” speaker. This year the latter role (Ann Coulter played the part in the 2016 roast of Rob Lowe) was taken by Rodman, the former NBA star.
Fortunately, Norton was there to save the day.
The actor, who starred with Willis in Wes Anderson’s 2012 film “Moonrise Kingdom,” dispensed with the traditional format, instead opting for a hilariously highbrow approach. Leaning into his persona as an arrogant actor with a long O, he delivered a “deep dissection of how a (freaking) bartender from New Jersey became such a big (deal) of a global movie star.”
Norton asked: “Can I cock my eye and say some cryptic (lines) that literally not one person understands and have everyone laugh their (butts) off ? I cannot.” He continued: “I tried to emulate you in ‘American History X.’ I shaved my head, I acted like a racist. It’s probably the closest any actor has come to being you in a film, and I got nominated for a bestactor (Oscar). But the movie made less money than you made on the opening weekend of ‘Nobody’s Fool.’ ”
Along with a smug Norton, who also shared a personal story about Willis’ generosity, the show’s other bright spots had nothing to do with North Korea jokes, #MeToo-themed jabs or “Sixth Sense” (“he was dead the whole time”) punchlines.
An unannounced appearance from Willis’ ex-wife, Demi Moore, provided a welcome deluge of marriage jabs: “Our daughters are incredibly well-adjusted, considering two of them are half Bruce Willis,” she said about the man who is “easily one of my Top 3 husbands.”
Regular roaster Jeffrey Ross reminded the audience there’s beauty in the traditional takedown as he spat out a stream of strong one-liners: “You look like Stone Cold Steve Alopecia. You look like Sir Patrick Stewart if he operated a Ferris wheel. You look like a snake that gave up and stopped growing back his skin.”
And a face-off between Cybill Shepherd (Willis’ “Moonlighting” co-star) and Martha Stewart (his neighbor) prompted a comedic high point. After Shepherd said she played Martha Stewart more beautifully onscreen, the real Stewart fired back.
“Isn’t it interesting that your career basically ended after that role, as if you’d offended someone, someone with power?” Stewart told Shepherd. “Who could craft such a scheme? It was me, bitch!” The room roared.
But when Willis went on to make the traditional closing remarks, the laughter was a bit more strained, in deference to the 63-year-old actor.
After dutifully giggling as if in a trance throughout the night, when it was his turn to talk, he did so in a bizarre, staccato series of run-on sentences:
“All we have left to DO is to COME OUT to the ROAST we’ll GET TOGETHER and have a FEW LAUGHS Jesus if I’da KNOWN I was gonna go THROUGH THIS I would’ve had my stunt guy do it,” he said in a single breath.
After the taping, Willis answered interview questions quietly, sometimes in non sequiturs. “Did anyone prepare you for the kind of jokes you’d be getting?” he was asked. “I don’t care about that. My head is my head, that’s all.” Polite laughter from reporters followed, and then a change from Willis talking in the first person to the third.
“His head is round. His pal Jeff Ross also has a round head. Is there anything else you want to ask about the heads of Jeff and Bruce, because we can find some other guys that have really good heads,” Willis said before being escorted to his after-party.
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