Talking consent at Burning Man
Atmosphere of decadence collides with the #MeToo movement
You may have heard about the “Orgy Dome.”
It’s one of the kinkiest landmarks at Burning Man, which runs through Monday, even though a majority of the 80,000 people at the event never visit it, or even notice it when bicycling by.
At camps all over the temporary city, in the Black Rock Desert of Nevada, there are opportunities to learn how to flog a partner during “open dungeon play” or get sponged in a “human body wash.” Burners can get a “naughty nude portrait” or a print of their privates in the Japanese method of Gyotaku.
Burners “are doing what they want to do, but it’s not a free-for-all,” said Donna Rae Watson, director of the Bureau of Erotic Discourse, a large camp at Burning Man that teaches Burners about sex. The key being consensual sex.
Since last year’s Burn, the #MeToo movement jolted the landscape of sexual relations everywhere. Millions of people, primarily women, talked openly about their experiences of sexual harassment, assault and even rape.
The Burner community has long talked about consent. But Burners on the front line of the discussion will admit that the community struggles with sexual harassment, and sometimes worse, as much as the rest of the world. Now perhaps more than ever.
“The people showing up now, the newbies, a large percentage of those people, they’re not reading the guidelines,” said Tex Allen, a 13-year Burner who offers hugs at the event as part of his “Hug Church.”
Though there are no guidelines officially, Burning Man does lay out a set of informal rules for Burners, about half of whom are relatively new to the event each year. In recent years, the organization has been more vocal about consent, what it means, and what it applies to.
Burning Man’s on-site Sexual Assault Services department receives five to 20 reports of sexual assault each year, according to Burning Man spokes- man Jim Graham.
Many of the reports involve leering or grabbing, which are not considered sexual assault under Nevada law. Only a few reports usually require law enforcement. Last year, law enforcement arrested two people on charges of sexual assault without substantial bodily harm; the year before, law enforcement made no arrests on charges related to sexual assault or rape.
Watson, however, talks to dozens of people every year who have stories of harassment at Burning Man.
“Just because we aim to be sexually liberated doesn’t mean we are,” Watson said. “In the Burn community, you run into this attitude where we welcome the stranger, but sometimes that translates into ‘We have to accept their behavior.’ That’s not how it should be.”
The 11th principle
In recent years, many Burners adopted consent as the 11th principle – tacked on to the Burning Man’s other 10 principles, which include self-expression and immediacy.
Burning Man organizers sent an email to all ticketholders this year reminding them that consent is needed not just for sex but any kind of touch, gift (including food and drink) and photography.
Camps have boosted efforts to teach Burners about consent and what it encompasses. The efforts are likely to grow this year since #MeToo put consent in the spotlight.
“Our purpose is to bring consent front and center and incorporate it into the ethos of the culture, where boundaries are respected and our bodies are respected,” Watson said.
The bureau, or B.E.D., was founded in 2005 after a woman was sexually assaulted at Burning Man the year before, Watson said.
Some people within the Burning Man community wanted to keep the issue hush-hush, Watson said, so a group of people formed the participant-run bureau. It is not part of the Burning Man organization.
The camp has enlisted hundreds of volunteers over the years to tape posters inside Porta Potties. The posters define consent and invite attendees to talk about it. It’s one of the most effective ways to communicate, because almost everyone uses the public toilets during the weeklong festivities, Watson said.
The camp passes out buttons that read “Consent is sexy” and other slogans such as “However you dress, wherever you go, yes means yes and no means no.” Last year, B.E.D. volunteers handed out 11,000 buttons to Burners.
Safe havens
One of the newer initiatives is a program in which B.E.D. volunteers visit camps – particularly the larger ones that host massive dance parties – and teach them about consent. The bureau requires half of the camp members to attend and all of the camp leaders. Volunteers visited more than 4,000 Burners in their individual camps last year.
“We’re taught the basics of consent in first grade: Don’t touch people without their consent, but we fail to extrapolate that to the sexual arena. We aim to fill that gap,” Watson said.
There are camps for all kinds of groups and demographics – skateboarders, VW enthusiasts, Minnesotans – and some camps pride themselves on becoming safe havens specifically for women.
Liz Wright is a founding member of Camp Beaverton, a camp exclusively for lesbian, queer and transgender women. At Camp Beaverton, they focus on educating women about their right to object, to speak up if they feel uncomfortable.
Camp Beaverton hosts play parties, where only women are invited to experiment sexually. Attendees can be women biologically or by self-identification. Sometimes men who appear to self-identify as a male approach the door .
“It’s hard because you’re forced to use your judgment,” said Wright, who turns them away and sometimes directs them to coed play parties. “But they can literally go everywhere else on playa.”
Wright does try to have conversations with men, though it doesn’t always go well. She says no to hugs from men just so they ask why and she can educate them about consent. Either they are curious and open, or they are offended right off the bat.
“Me having a conversation with a guy, sometimes it falls on deaf ears, but sometimes hearing it from another guy, they receive it differently,” Wright said.