They say love hurts – your pocketbook
Many millennials feel they’re better off having a relationship with their money
Miercoles Bell stopped actively dating in June because courting “has gotten way too expensive.”
The 29-year-old government worker said he was shelling out hundreds of dollars each month on dates, and “it was a completely worthless investment.”
“When you meet someone nice, you want to take that person somewhere nice,” the St. Louis native said. “But, what’s the point of taking them to this nice place just to find out you guys are better just as friends? So, you’re wasting money.”
He added that “predating” rituals like grabbing coffee or ice cream can make potential suitors “think you’re being cheap when you’re really just trying to see if it’s all worth it.”
While dating has almost always cost money, millennials have to deal with a web of circumstances including student debt, inflating living costs and changing social norms such as today’s hook-up culture that can delay a romantic relationship.
In fact, 30% of the connected generation feel as though their financial stability is having an effect on their readiness to find a true relationship, according to Match’s latest new Singles in America survey.
The study, which examines the dating habits of more than 5,000 U.S. adults, revealed that 21% of millennials believe they need to reach a certain income level to even pursue a relationship, vs. 14% of singles overall.
“We’re seeing Gen Zers approaching dates equally, not based on traditional gender norms, by expecting to pay the bill down the middle, starting with the first date.” Dana Marineau, Vice president and financial advocate at Credit Karma
Dating has changed
Experts say that millennials are holding off on dating because the concept of courtship has evolved over time. What was once a casual meetand-greet for a first date has turned into a delayed and very deliberate event that happens much later in the relationship cycle, according to Dr. Helen Fisher, an American anthropologist and human behavior expert.
“Millennials are very ambitious. They are terrified of catching feelings and getting into relationships that they can’t (financially or mentally) manage,” said Fisher, who referred to courtship in the digital age as “slowlove.”
“Two-thirds of people in their 20s still live at home,” she said, “not because they are lazy but because they are saving their money and they really feel that they need to get their career and finances in order before they marry.”
Match, formerly Match.com, also found that 22% of singles say a potential partner’s financial situation has held them back from pursuing a relationship with them, and nearly a third of singles say their own financial situation has held them back from pursuing love in the first place.
Fisher, who’s a baby boomer herself, said when she was growing up, the early courtship was much more casual and affordable than first dates today. “We went out and played miniature golf, ate fast food, or rode around in someone’s car. Or you met people in the park and talked and drank beer. Dating wasn’t expensive.”
The modern age has given birth to what Fisher called “a new pattern.”
“You’re just friends, then you move slowly into friends with benefits. Then you slowly come out of that and tell friends and family about the partnership, and then you have your first date, which is really quite expensive.”
But that concept also may be changing over time, thanks to Generation Z.
The future of young adult dating
Just like millennials, who were born between 1981 and 1996, Generation Z appears to be redefining the dating atmosphere for themselves, according to Dana Marineau, vice president and financial advocate at Credit Karma, a financial advice website.
“We’re seeing Gen Zers approaching dates equally, not based on traditional gender norms, by expecting to pay the bill down the middle, starting with the first date,” Marineau said.
“This may seem small, but it goes to show there’s a change in attitude toward certain dating customs that were forcing some people to overspend.”