Democracy is fractured. Here’s how to heal it.
Risky conversations: ‘Winning’ isn’t point of sharing different perspectives. Practice listening: Battle lines soften as we connect with others.
As I continue to connect with a wide network of diverse friends, I find hope.
As I think about the things that divide us, I am reminded of a conversation I had with a longtime friend.
❚ Over the decades we’ve known each other, we have grown apart. In fact, we are very different people now from when we first met. She lives in Boise, Idaho, and has transformed from a “wild girl” to a Pentecostal Christian, business owner and Trump supporter.
I live in Oregon and Washington, D.C. I work in politics. I am not religious, but meditate regularly. I run a nonprofit. We communicate infrequently, mostly when I’m driving through Boise. When I saw her this spring, we sat down for a four-hour visit. We went deep. She recounted how her kids rolled their eyes when she spoke about things she cared about — such as God and politics.
Our conversation continued as we explored our differences of opinion on abortion, the media and the president. As we parted, I asked to keep our lines of communication open. She started to cry. I asked about her tears, and she replied, “My opinion matters to you.”
Not easily triggered
Why were we able to connect across our differences? Because I’m not easily triggered, and I did not try to trigger my friend. Because I didn’t feel the need to “win” or “score points” in our conversation. I was willing to listen to her beliefs, despite my discomfort. And while I didn’t change my mind, I left with a better understanding of how totally opposite perceptions about which leaders are good and which are bad does not make us better or worse people. As I continue to connect with a wide network of diverse friends, I find hope.
Yet, we have good evidence today that polarization, distrust and disillusionment, along with corruption and greed, have usurped the public interest. Without wellplaced trust in each other and our institutions, the entire democratic political ecosystem could soon be dead.
Is it too late? I don’t think so. I also don’t think recovery to a former state of balance is possible. The only direction is forward. I choose to focus on developing conditions for a transformed democracy ecosystem, where our founders’ ideals are preserved.
We can practice listening
Many programs are available for you to practice listening and to learn new skills — to become our best selves. One of my favorites is Living Room Conversations, which is used in churches, schools and living rooms.
Within these interactions, we can tend to the connective tissues of our democratic ecosystem. As we increase trust, healing happens. But it starts with each of us and those with whom we interact.