Children suffer without school
I’m a cautious physician, but also a mom
When the American Academy of Pediatrics released a statement last month advocating that all policies for the coming academic year should start with the goal of having students physically back in schools, it did so with the disclaimer that this be done safely and that leaders must be flexible based on rapidly changing recommendations.
The recommendations caused both relief and uproar and were clarified to state that “decisions ... for early care and education (e.g., dismissals, event cancellations, other social distancing measures) should be made locally, in collaboration with local health officials who can help determine the level of transmission in the community.”
As an emergency physician, the reopening of society, particularly of schools that are cesspools of germs, is anxiety provoking. It could make my life more difficult if a wave of coronavirus infections ensues. Many of my colleagues would advocate for continued home schooling.
As a mother, however, I respect that childhood experts have highlighted that schools are fundamental to child development, social and emotional skills, mental health, food security and addressing racial and social inequity — and that the prolonged lack of physical schooling for large numbers of children could lead to long-term effects.
While I have been an advocate for shelter-in-place policies, physical distancing, masking and careful reopening, I will not pretend that any of these things were easy in my home. Home schooling came unnaturally and caused many tears all around.
Our children are mourning
My toddler with sensory processing issues has clearly had a social emotional regression. And I am still brought to tears thinking about my kindergartner’s last day of school. After sitting silently in the backseat all the way home after the end-of-school car parade, when we walked into our home she simply looked up at me and sobbed. Her last days at school should have been spent hugging her friends goodbye and thanking her teachers. While some sadness is normal for the end of the school year, that was a child mourning for the loss of part of her childhood.
Children between the ages of 6 and 8 are just beginning to learn independence, considering the future, developing friendships and understanding their place in the world. As a child, she could not find the words to describe her feelings, but I knew that she felt the weight of this year’s loneliness.
I am not the only parent facing this. In fact, a recent study out of Italy and Spain found more than 85% of parents perceived changes in their children’s emotional states during quarantine.
There have certainly been plenty of smiles and laughter from both of my children while in social isolation. However, looking back, I see that they had also been prone to frustration and sought attention more than usual.
My oldest had crying spells related to wanting to return to school and her friends. During Zoom calls, she was desperate to say one more thing, all so she could have one more moment of contact with her friends and teachers.
As part of normal development, toddlers and young children should be running, laughing and experiencing joy with other children. They should be going on field trips, developing new neuronal connections by visualizing new sights, smells and textures, and then discussing these new experiences with their peers. They should be learning time management from their teachers, not from their tired and overburdened parents. How can any of the past few months make sense to a young child?
Sheltering in place was and is critical to save lives. However, as we face a post-COVID world, we must turn to addressing the mental health impacts. Our children have experienced a massive loss. Going forward we will need to allow children to be children again.
Will this be easy? Absolutely not. Not for parents, not for teachers and not for kids.
Making school safe again
The AAP recommends spacing seating 6 feet apart, smaller class sizes, hand hygiene, utilizing outdoor space and wearing face coverings. These guidelines will be challenging for schools already struggling for space and money. This may mean varying parts of physical and virtual schooling with strict guidelines — with flexibility in pivoting the plan based on ever changing COVID-19 data.
Not to mention the additional burden on teachers this all produces. Parttime school might be our only option and, importantly, employers will need to adjust to support parents in these new adventures in scheduling by continuing to allow working from home and some laxity when children are required to stay home due to illness.
We must also prepare for the worst case — that surges of COVID-19 infections will cause schools to go virtual again. But if this happens, how can we support the mental health of young children, helping them cope with this confusing world? Will it mean individual sessions with counselors and teachers? Physically distanced play dates? And — the biggest question — who will mandate, fund and support these initiatives? This cannot be a burden held by teachers or parents alone.
For now, I plan to send my children to school in the fall with masks or shields. But, if we surge, we are prepared to bring them back home to learn virtually — for everyone’s safety.
I certainly know that I will let my children grieve in whatever way they need whenever they need it. And as a parent, I also will allow myself to quietly grieve, too, for the loss of part of their childhood.