I stutter, but Brayden spoke for me at DNC
It took me years to be as brave as he is
When I saw Brayden Harrington, a 13-year-old from New Hampshire, stutter openly and authentically on national television, I saw myself, a version of myself I wish I had been at Brayden’s age. At 13, I did not get along with my stuttering. I didn’t want to think about it, I didn’t want to talk about it and I certainly didn’t want anybody to hear it.
Stuttering affects about 3 million Americans. It involves disruptions or disfluencies in a person’s speech. These disfluencies can take the form of repetitions of sounds (e.g., b-b-b-ball), prolongations of sound (e.g., wwwwater) and blocks (i.e., an absence of sound). The cause of stuttering is thought to be a combination of genetic, neurological and physiological factors.
The types of disfluencies described above can often be seen and heard. What people can’t see as clearly are the psychological and emotional toll.
The mental energy it takes to scan ahead for every word you know you will get stuck on and the attempts to substitute it with another. The suffocating anxiety when the teacher calls on you in class, when you have to meet a new person who doesn’t know your secret, when you’re expected to quickly say something as simple as your name. The fear that someone will laugh at you, mock you, give you a puzzled look or think that you are stupid. The constant worries that others won’t want to be your friend, that you’ll never get a date, that you’ll never hold a job.
Learning to speak up
It wasn’t until I arrived at the University of Maryland as a freshman that my perspective began to change. I was lucky enough to meet a speech-language pathologist there named Vivian Sisskin. Through her, I learned that the fear and shame I felt about my stuttering was the very thing perpetuating my struggle. I learned that the only way to move forward was to face my fears and stutter in places I wasn’t comfortable stuttering. To put it another way, I learned I had to be brave, like Brayden.
My first goal was speaking up in class. Up until college, I had not spoken a single word in any of my classes. The thought of getting stuck, contorting my face, feeling my palms get sweaty and my temperature rise, risking the confused looks from classmates and teachers, that was something I simply couldn’t do. Or so I thought.
The first time I said a word in a college classroom was in 2008, in a small history of religion class, about 20 students. The teacher asked for the name of a specific biblical text. There was silence. Seconds ticked by. My heart began to pound. The answer would only be one word. If there was ever a moment, this was it. Screw it, I told myself. “L-l-l-l-l-l-l --," deep breath, "-- l-l-l-l-ll-l-leviticus.” Phew.
I vaguely remember the confused faces of my classmates as my stuttering made its grand introduction. But I vividly remember the immense pride I felt afterward. That first step out of my shell was terrifying, but so gratifying at the same time. It was something I never thought I could do. But I did. And then I did it again and again. By my junior year of college, I was the kid who raised his hand too much in class.
Valuing my voice
My stutters became easier and more comfortable as my fear and shame decreased. And yet the pride I feel about my journey is not in the outcomes, but in the courage it took to take each step. It took looking honestly at the thing I was ashamed of most and putting it out there for the world to see. It took valuing my voice over the potential judgments of others.
That’s what Brayden did at the Democratic National Convention when he recounted how presidential nominee Joe Biden helped him with his stutter — except the stakes were infinitely higher, the audience infinitely bigger and the potential to make change far greater. For the first time in my life, I saw someone like me on TV. I saw a person who stutters being praised not for “overcoming” stuttering and speaking more fluently, but for speaking bravely and authentically while stuttering.
Brayden’s courage, and the overwhelming public praise, teaches all of us who stutter that maybe the country is ready to accept us, and that no matter how little or much we stutter, our voices are worthy of being heard. WANT TO COMMENT? Have Your Say at letters@usatoday.com, @usatodayopinion on Twitter and facebook.com/usatodayopinion. Comments are edited for length and clarity. Content submitted to USA TODAY may appear in print, digital or other forms. For letters, include name, address and phone number. Letters may be mailed to 7950 Jones Branch Drive, McLean, VA, 22108.