Pain ‘still there’: James Madison coping with death

Kate Gordon Short said the grief still comes in waves.

“You’re confused and then you’re angry and then you’re sad,” the former James Madison University softball player said this month. “Then you think you’re getting – not better, but used to the pain. And then it hits all again.”

It’s a mixture of emotions that many in the JMU community – and across the city of Harrisonburg, Virginia – have experienced since the death of Lauren Bernett.

One month has passed since the sophomore catcher on the softball team died by suicide at 20. In college sports programs across the country, her death reignited conversations about mental health. On softball fields at all levels, it prompted tributes, with athletes wearing purple ribbons in their hair or sporting decals with her number, 22.

On JMU’s campus, there have also been conversations and tributes. But for the most part, there’s been grief, and members of the community leaning on one another to process it.

“I feel like our student-athletes are starting to draw closure,” athletic director Jeff Bourne said in an interview last week. “It just takes time. It takes time to heal, and everybody’s grieving process is different.”

For Short, who played with Bernett last season as the Dukes reached the 2021 Women’s College World Series, the weeks after her death have featured frequent check-ins with fellow alumni and current members of the team. Sometimes, it’s a quick text or direct message to see how they’re doing. Other times, it’s reliving happy moments and funny stories about Bernett “to keep that positive spirit alive,” she said.

“It’s super important, because we’re all going through the same thing,” Short said. “Some people were closer to Lauren than others, obviously, but the pain is still there for everybody.”

JMU softball canceled the remainder of its season following Bernett’s death, and its seniors were honored during the baseball team’s home finale Saturday.

The weekend baseball series also featured tributes to Bernett, including a moment of silence before last Thursday’s game at Veterans Memorial Park, which houses both the baseball and softball programs.

“I told our guys there’s no manual to this. There’s no playbook,” baseball coach Marlin Ikenberry said. “The only playbook there is is to talk to one another.”

Travis Reifsnider, a catcher on the baseball team, later switched his number to 22 to honor Bernett’s memory and show support for the softball program. He said her death sparked “really good” but “really tough” conversations within the baseball team, some involving tears.

“I think a lot of times, athletes try and be tough. They’re told to kind of play through the pain,” Reifsnider said. “So I think sometimes it can get lost in translation, and people will think, ‘Oh, I can’t be sad or I can’t be anxious or I can’t be dealing with depression.’ So that’s something I wanted to be talked about a little bit more as well.”

The ripple effects of Bernett’s death have been felt beyond JMU athletics, too – both across campus and throughout the broader Harrisonburg community. “It hit all of us,” said the city’s mayor, Deanna Reed.

Savannah Reger, a fourth-generation JMU student, covered the softball team for the school’s student newspaper, The Breeze, and contributed to the outlet’s coverage of Bernett’s death. When asked about how it had impacted the on-campus community, she cited an email she received from an old professor, referring to her coverage and checking in to make sure that Reger was doing OK.

“This whole thing opened up a big talking point at JMU to say hey, it’s OK to not be OK,” Reger said. “We can talk about it, and talk about it freely.”

If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night. Crisis Text Line also provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741.