First impressions do make a difference on a first date

Dating can be fun, but it can also be stressful. And although, “be yourself ” is good advice, there are other things we should keep in mind before we embark on a first date with a new person.

The first date is our chance to make a good first impression and to encounter another person genuinely. First dates are a great time to check compatibility with a potential partner and enjoy yourself regardless of the outcome.

If you’re nervous about a first date or if you don’t often make it past the first date, it might be worth exploring if you make any of the following mistakes.

Not showing up authentically. We all want to make a great first impression. But often, we try to do this by being who the other person wants us to be, rather than showing up as who we are. It’s common for people to fake a bit of enthusiasm about activities they find mundane or flat out dislike, or alter their opinion to match their dates. But the biggest mistake is to get someone to like an inauthentic version of you.

Projecting rather than being curious. We often do a lot of vetting before we go on a date. We look at their dating profile or social media accounts and try to get a sense of the person we are going to be going out with. Although this is normal, it’s important not to form a complete picture of who they are without meeting them. If you do, you may miss the things they say or do that contradict your understanding of them.

Talking too much about yourself. Talking about yourself is great, but don’t monopolize the conversation. Many people talk a lot when they are nervous, but it can come off self-involved and make the experience less engaging for the other person. If you notice you’re doing this, it can be helpful to clarify by saying: “I tend to talk a lot about myself when I am nervous.”

Not asking questions. Showing interest is not just about eye contact or laughing at their jokes, it’s also about asking questions about their life and being curious about who they are. And yet, asking questions is not enough. Make sure to pay attention to the answers they give you. Although a date is not an interview, it can be helpful to engage with follow-up questions.

Talking about past relationships. Every context is different, and sometimes the conversation of ex-partners comes up quickly and organically. There is nothing wrong with that. However, talking about your ex for most of the conversations or making comparisons between your date and your past relationship may be intimidating or a sign you’re still hung up on your ex.

Being late. It’s important to respect your date’s time. Be on time and show that you are excited and want to connect. We can’t always control being late, but a genuine apology can go a long way.

Over-disclosing. It’s important to want to connect and be honest and vulnerable, but telling someone about our childhood trauma or our current struggles during the first date may be overwhelming or inappropriate. Although we can be honest about our shortcomings, we probably don’t need to make jokes about every insecurity we have. Likewise, we can be proud and confident, but we don’t need to brag and give unnecessary details. For every first date the level of disclosure may vary – read the room.

Constantly checking your phone. It’s OK if you need to check your phone, but constantly looking at your phone may send a message that you are bored, disinterested or rude. Give your date your full attention.

Putting too much pressure on the first date. Maybe you’ve already picked out your wedding venue and know what your first child’s name will be, but it’s important not to put too much pressure on the first date. If it doesn’t work out, chances are you won’t die alone. The date doesn’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to like them, and they don’t have to like you. It’s about being open to a new experience.