GOP-led committees call conspiracies to order
Greene, Gosar will bring a special brand of stupid
Republican Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene – who is, to put it mildly, bonkers – has been named to the House of Representatives’ Homeland Security Committee. It’s a decision sure to be celebrated by millions of Americans’ conspiratorial uncles whose online research, which they regularly share on Facebook, raises “serious questions” about whether President Joe Biden is actually alive.
Greene and fellow GOP conspiracy theorist Rep. Paul Gosar of Arizona were reinstated on House committees Tuesday. They were previously stripped of such responsibilities by Democrats who recognized, accurately, that both are dangerous weirdos who espouse views antithetical to American ideals.
Greene has promoted unhinged QAnon conspiracy theories, agreed with people who question whether the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks were an inside job and suggested that school shootings are government false-flag operations.
The company Gosar keeps might raise a red flag for ... anyone?
Gosar was booted from his committee assignments in 2021 after sharing an anime video that depicted him killing Democratic Rep. Alexandria OcasioCortez of New York and attacking Biden.
That same year, he visited the border with a group that, according to a CNN report, “included a blogger who has praised Nazi Germany; a Gosar-endorsed congressional candidate who would be removed from Twitter for calling for executing election officials; and a speaker removed from the 2020 Republican National Convention for sharing an antisemitic conspiracy theory describing an elaborate Jewish plan for global domination.”
Gosar is now on the Committee on Natural Resources, where I assume he will advocate for whatever fisheriesand-wildlife issues are most important to the white supremacist community.
If you’re wondering why Republican House Speaker Kevin McCarthy decided to reelevate this pair of cranks, look no further than the fact that McCarthy was able to become House speaker.
Rather than a deal with the devil, he made a deal that I suspect is the cost for their votes.
With Greene on the committee, our homeland will undoubtedly be more secure from … hang on, let me check my notes … Ah, yes. We’ll be more secure from former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and her former aide Huma Abedin tearing off a child’s face and wearing it as a mask as part of a satanic ritual in which they drink children’s blood. Greene expressed her support for that actual conspiracy theory – called “Frazzledrip,” for reasons I can’t bear to explain – back in 2018.
Now it’s time for answers, I and the uncle whom you blocked on Facebook suppose.
Jewish space lasers, antisemites and Lord knows what else
Of course, there’s also the looming threat of Jewish space lasers.
In 2018, Greene infamously promoted kookily antisemitic speculation that a California wildfire might have been started intentionally by a “beam” from “space solar generators” at the behest of, among others, a vice chairman at “Rothschild Inc, international investment banking firm.”
Vested with power from a Republican Party that now sports the motto “If It Weren’t For Nonsense We’d Have No Sense At All,” Greene should finally be able to get to THE TRUTH about those lasers and anything else rattling around in her noggin.
Perhaps she and Gosar can call on Nick Fuentes, the virulently antisemitic white nationalist whose event they both spoke at last year in Orlando, to help with their important committee work.
(When Fuentes introduced Greene at the event, he let fly some praise of Adolf Hitler:
“Now they’re going on about Russia and Vladimir Putin is Hitler – they say that’s not a good thing.”)
Enhanced border cameras designed to spot the mythical chupacabra?
Who knows what these two lawmakers will get up to now that their political careers have gotten shots in the arms (don’t worry, those shots contained zero vaccines!) from a political party that might next appoint “random drunk dude at the end of the bar” to the powerful House Ways and Means Committee.
Enhanced border cameras designed to spot the mythical chupacabra?
A national park to honor the great sacrifices of those who believe fluoridated water is a government mind-control plot?
With Greene and Gosar, our best bet is to imagine the dumbest thing we can possibly conjure.
Then please imagine that dumb thing miraculously made a million times dumber.