Trump sneaks in a new source of revenue
was good to see the 2024 presidential campaign settle into normalcy this weekend, as leading Republican candidate Donald Trump took the traditional step of introducing a garish line of sneakers that he can use to whittle down the half-a-billion-or-so dollars he owes for fraudulent business practices and other assorted crime-doing.
In case you missed it, former president and current criminal defendant Trump attended a Philadelphia “Sneaker Con” on Saturday and unveiled a shiny gold pair of Trump-themed sneakers called the “Never Surrender High-Tops.”
In what one can only assume is an attempt to show how good President Joe Biden’s economy is for Americans, the list price for the Trump shoes is $399 a pair – and the 1,000 that were available quickly sold out.
Trump is going to have to sell a lot of sneakers
On Friday, a New York judge ruled that Trump must pay about $454 million in penalties for business fraud. Three weeks earlier, a jury ordered Trump to pay more than $83 million to writer E. Jean Carroll for defamation.
So the Republican Party’s top choice for president is now on the hook for about $540 million.
He made $399,000 on that first round of Air-Rogant sneakers, so he only needs to sell about 1,352,383 more pairs and he’ll be square.
Remarkably, the sneakers look exactly like the kind of sneaker you would expect from a man who created a fake university named after himself and then had to pay $25 million to settle lawsuits accusing him of fraud.
The sneakers are (possibly spraypainted?) gold, including the laces.
They have a big “T” on them in various places. And they have a sort-of American flag thingy wrapped around the ankles.
They’re the go-to athletic shoe for people fleeing responsibility.
Trump’s ability to extract cash from the gullible
They look as if someone took all the tacky couture from a random night at Mar-a-Lago, put it in a blender and then poured it onto a cheap pair of high-tops that, in their defense, never did anything to deserve such a fate.
That 1,000 pairs sold out is a testament to Trump’s ability to extract cash from the gullible.
Either that or MAGA-devout House of Representatives Speaker Mike Johnson bought them all and will now make them the mandatory shoe of the Republican congressional caucus.
All I know is that it’s about time our current presidential election season came to down to that which matters most: footwear.
I’ve long cast my vote for whichever candidate promotes the sweetest kicks, and 2024 will be no different.
A history of presidential campaign shoe promos that didn’t happen
We’re way past the days of President Ronald Reagan’s special-edition Jellybean Reeboks, President Bill Clinton’s controversial Philandering Fila or presidential candidate John Kerry’s Unremarkable Payless Flip-Flop.
It’s up to the Biden campaign to respond to Trump’s gaffe-in-sneakerIt form by showing Americans what the 81-year-old president will do for their feet.
Biden can counter Trump’s sneaker play with a comfier line
I recommend a durable-but-comfortable line of already-broken-in Biden Slippers.
The motto is simple: “You should trust what you put your feet in. Not gold … just old, tough and cozy.”
They could give them away for free, as President Biden has the distinct advantage of not owing more than half-abillion dollars in legal penalties for fraud and defamation.
Seems like a shoe-in.