‘Couple’ hopes to demystify polyamory
On “The Bachelor” franchise, contestants are looking for a spouse. On “Are You the One?,” a perfect match. On “The Ultimatum,” an answer about their relationship status.
And now on “Couple to Throuple,” couples are looking for a third.
Peacock’s latest reality series (the first three of 10 episodes now streaming) explores the ins and outs of polyamorous relationships. The premise: Four couples curious about polyamory head to a resort and begin dating a group of singles. They face challenges exploring each other’s emotional and sexual boundaries with the help of sex and relationships expert Shamyra Howard. Expect to confront your misconceptions and reactions to this kind of relationship and what it might say about you.
“Each step along the way, they’re guided through the different things that happen, the different elements or dynamics that show up in any kind of relationship from that initial chemistry all the way to what potential commitment could look like,” says host Scott Evans.
The usual reality show questions linger in the back of one’s mind while watching – are any of these people here for the right reasons? – but “Couple to Throuple” pokes and prods at its viewers’ preconceived notions about polyamory, giving an education on the still somewhat-taboo topic.
“There’s something that happens when we are connected to people, but specifically when we are connected to multiple people,” Howard says. “We are wired for connection and people don’t realize that we can be connected to multiple people, multiple things at once.”
What is polyamory?
Polyamory means “multiple loves” – a word coined in the late 20th century, with Greek and Latin roots.
“It usually describes a particular approach to (consensual nonmonogamy) that prioritizes ongoing emotional and sexual connections with multiple partners,”
Sheila Addison, a family and marriage therapist, has told USA TODAY. It’s not to be confused with polygamy, aka “multiple wives” – something typically associated with religious or cultural practices, she said.
According to a 2016 study that sampled U.S. Census data from single adults, 20% of participants reported engaging in consensual nonmonogamy at some point in their lifetime.
‘You’re going to see yourself’
Howard raised an eyebrow when first consulted about joining the show. “I initially was like, ‘I’m going to need a little more information about the angle here,’ because it’s important to me that this isn’t just the salacious display of threesomes … as a lot of people are concerned that it will be,” she says. But that’s not what the show – or real life – is.
“Sometimes people are in these connections because they get to fulfill sexual desires,” Howard says. “Others get to feel relational desires that they aren’t able to fulfill with just one person. So for me, it’s the connection of it all. I love to see all the wires being connected and then disconnected, too, because don’t forget, it’s a real relationship. While it’s beautiful to watch it play out, it’s also beautiful to watch it crumble a bit and then be pieced back together.”
In turn, you’ll likely project your feelings onto the cast. “You’re going to see yourself in the dynamics of people on this show,” Evans adds.
‘You have to be honest’
Those who went into the show thinking one thing about polyamory perhaps left thinking something else. The same may happen for viewers; misconceptions abound in real life, too. No, it’s not just an excuse for people to cheat. No, it’s not exclusively for sex.
“If you think being in relationship with one person is challenging, try adding others to the mix and tell me how real that will be for you,” Howard says.
Imagine being patiently, purposefully upfront with your partner about everything, from the emotional to the sexual.
Now multiply that.
“You have to be able to be honest upfront about your desires, be loud about your yeses, and just as loud about your noes, so that you can set those boundaries up front,” Howard adds.
Polyamory and whether it will be ‘acceptable or mainstream’
Expect the polyamory conversation to continue as more people engage with consensual nonmonogamy. “The more we see it, the more we hear about it, the more we have examples of success, the more I think that we will see it grow, and the more we’ll see it become acceptable or mainstream,” Evans says.
Let the couples on “Couple to Throuple” be a perfect preview (or cautionary tale) for your relationship journey, should you choose to explore polyamory yourself. As Howard says: “Everybody was trying to find their footing. Some people tripped, some people ran, some people hopped, some people skipped, but they all brought themselves to this experience.”