SENSE & SENSITIVITY
Daughter lashing out after friend’s death
DEAR HARRIETTE: Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a call that her best friend from high school committed suicide. I feel so helpless. They just spent the weekend together.
When I tried comforting my daughter, she lashed out at me. It is true I never had many good things to say about “Aaron” when he was alive, but his death changes circumstances. I was originally reluctant to let my daughter go visit her friend two states away, but I am so thankful I got over my stubbornness. She would never forgive me if I hadn’t let her go and this tragedy happened. How can I help my daughter with the grieving process when she wants me to have no part in it? -- Heaven’s Gates, Dallas
DEAR HEAVEN’S GATES: First, reach out to Aaron’s parents to express your condolences and to find out when the services will be. You should make sure that your daughter attends -- with you, as this should help with her healing. Without prying, make yourself available to your daughter so that if and when she wants to talk about this tragedy, you will be available to her. Do your best to stay calm and even-toned, regardless of your daughter’s mood. Offer to send her to a therapist for support. She may balk at first, but if after a few weeks she doesn’t seem to be getting better emotionally, you should get her professional help.