A true chiller of an NFL forecast

I had originally planned to write this column two weeks ago to get a jump on things before I ran it in the paper and online this week and boy, it’s a good thing I didn’t.

The last two weeks have seen on-the-field and off-the-field issues alter the landscape of the NFL, including a myriad of pre-season injuries.

Fortunately for me, the extra couple of weeks gave me a chance to reassess my 2016 season predictions. Plus, it gave me a chance to work the word “myriad” into a column. “Myriad” is just a fun word to type and say, just not as fun as typing or saying the name “Kitty Chiller”.

You might remember Ms. Chiller from the recent Rio Olympics. She is a former modern pentathlete that represented Australia at the 2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney. She served as her country’s Chef de Mission in Rio.

A Chef de Mission apparently has nothing to do with cooking. Rather it’s a term used to refer to the head of a diplomatic representation, or in this case, a team manager of a national delegation in major international multi-discipline sporting events (i.e. the Olympics. Thank you Wikipedia.)

Chiller first introduced herself to the world just prior to the start of the Games when she blasted the Rio Olympic Athletes Village for being just slightly worse than a flea-ridden motel on the wrong side of the tracks for which booking rooms is probably the third or fourth-highest source of income for the motel owner, if you get my drift.

So what exactly does Kitty Chiller have to do with the 2016 NFL season?

Absolutely nothing. I just made a pact with myself a month ago to find some way to work “Kitty Chiller” into a column.

And with that finally being taken care of, let’s get to the picks.

Once again, I’d love to pick anyone else but New England to win the AFC East, but once again, I can’t. Miami has the best shot to take an early lead on the Patriots, but we all know that once Tom Brady comes back from an unwarranted fourgame suspension (yes, I’m sticking up for TB12 because his suspension had nothing to do with deflated footballs and everything to do with making sure Roger Goodell still looks powerful in the eyes of the owners who put him in as commissioner, plus the NFL even admitted that they had no actual evidence that Brady was guilty of anything in this whole Deflategate debacle), he’s going scorched earth on every team in his way so he can force Goodell to embarrassingly have to shake his hand when he wins the Super Bowl. I also don’t see the New York Jets or Buffalo having a shot at dethroning the Pats either.

Ultimately, I think Pittsburgh has a slightly better team that Cincinnati. However, some of Pittsburgh’s best players can’t stay off the ganga long enough to play and by the time they finally get every

one back in uniform and in the same lineup, they might not be able to catch the Bengals. That’s why I pick the Andy Dalton All-Stars to win the AFC North. Baltimore will be a tough game for anyone, although they really aren’t that good, and call me crazy, but I think Cleveland has a chance to be sneaky good this season. Not a playoff team, but at least a team that could flirt with .500.

I’m not sold yet on Brock Osweiler, but I think Houston has enough on both sides of the ball to win the AFC South. They’d nearly be a lock if J.J. Watt was 100 percent healthy, but no one in the division has a better combination of offense and defense. Indianapolis has Andrew Luck and Jack-

sonville is the sexy pick to be a darkhorse, but Tennessee is the team that will shock people this year. The Titans are getting back to their roots as a bruising running team with a solid defense. They may not win the division, but they will take advantage of a weak AFC and find a way to get in the playoffs.

You’re guess is as good as mine in the AFC West. Denver, the defending Super Bowl champs, has the defense, but serious questions at quarterback. Oakland is young and talented, but are they experienced and seasoned enough to win the division? Kansas City played great last year, but do they have anyone on offense that truly scares you? And San Diego still has Phillip Rivers at quarterback, plus they play the easiest schedule in the league. Give me the Chiefs, but I’m far from

confident about it.

AFC Division Champions: New England, Cincinnati, Houston, Kansas City

AFC Wild Card Teams: Oakland, Tennessee

I was all set to pick Dallas to win the NFC East, that was until Tony Romo got his annual injury out of the way early. I like Dak Prescott and the Cowboys still have the talent to win it, but I’m taking Washington. A really good, underrated offense and enough defense to win games. The New York Giants are a lot like the Redskins and they won’t make it easy for anyone in the division. Philadelphia is starting over (again) after Chip Kelly.

Do you take the veterans in Green Bay or the up-and-comers in Minnesota to win the NFC North? I really thought it would be the Vikings repeating as division champs. That

was until quarterback Teddy Bridgewater’s horrific knee injury in practice last Tuesday. That paves the way for the Packers and, depending on if newlyacquired Sam Bradford doesn't get the job done in Minnesota, that could pull Detroit and Chicago back into the mix. However, the Vikings' running game and defense is too good to fall too far.

Yes, they lost Josh Norman on defense, but Carolina still has to be considered the favorites in the NFC South, although teams that win that division rarely repeat. But teams in that division rarely have quarterbacks like Cam Newton. Ridgeland’s own Vonn Bell will help resurgent New Orleans climb back toward the top, while Atlanta appears to be on their way down. Tampa Bay, on the other hand, could be a big surprise when the race for post-season

rolls around.

Arizona just had another defensive back go down for the year with an injury and Carson Palmer isn’t getting any younger. But I still believe the Cardinals have what it takes to win the division and make a run in the playoffs, if they can stay healthy. Right behind them is Seattle, who will still be a very good team, even without Beast Mode in the backfield. The Rams will return to Los Angeles and give their fans a traditional 8-8 or 7-9 season, but it could be worse for L.A. fans. They could be San Francisco fans, who are already counting down the days until the NBA season starts so they cheer on the Warriors.

NFC Division Champions: Washington, Green Bay, Carolina, Arizona

NFC Wild Card Teams: Seattle, Minnesota

On the best day of the year for NFL football, New England takes care of Houston in the AFC Championship Game, spoiling the dreams of Texans fans, who were hoping to see their team play at home in the Super Bowl. Then in the NFC Championship Game, Arizona will face Seattle for the third time this season and win the Battle of the Birds to earn their second-ever trip to the Super Bowl.

And in that Super Bowl, Bruce Arians outcoaches the great Bill Belichick and the Cardinals’ defense corrals the Patriots to win the organization’s first world title. Then Arians hands the Vince Lombardi Trophy to the unsung heroine of Arizona’s Super Bowl run, Kitty Chiller.

At least, one can hope.

———