SENSE & SENSITIVITY

Dad wants to make rules for ex’s new husband

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-wife has recently remarried. I am indifferent about the marriage, but I need to communicate more with the new guy because my ex and I have children together. I want to talk to him about how my children will refer to him -- NOT “Dad” -- and how he plans on parenting them. How do I ask for him to meet with me? It doesn’t matter if my ex is there. -- Not Their Daddy, Tucson, Arizona

DEAR NOT THEIR DADDY: As much as you won’t want to hear this, I suggest that you start with your ex and tell her you want to have a conversation with her about the future. I doubt that it will ever work for you and her new husband to try to get on the same page without her blessing. You can tell your ex that you have been thinking about how things will unfold now that she is remarried, and you would like to check in with her husband so that the two of you can reach an agreement about his role. Ask for her blessing for the two of you to get together. If she agrees, let her know upfront what you have in mind, especially what he will be called and where and how discipline figures into daily life.

If you get to meet directly with the new husband, be respectful of him in his new role, and ask him to treasure your children, even as you remind him that you intend to be active in their lives.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.