College freshman misses guidance of parents’ rules

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a freshman at my university. I have always had a strict schedule because of my parents, and now I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by the amount of freedom I have in college. Is this normal? I can’t believe it, but I’m actually missing my parents and their rules. I don’t want to ask them to step in and help me. I am supposed to be independent now. How can I make sure I’m making the best use of all this newfound free time? — Freshman Life

DEAR FRESHMAN LIFE: One of the biggest challenges in college is time management. You are not alone in your struggle, but like all students, you have to figure it out — and fast.

I am a big believer in creating a schedule. Use a calendar — a great one is on your smartphone because it’s always with you. Fill in all appointments, classes and study halls that you have for each day. Evaluate how much time you think you need to study for each class. Allocate time for study in your schedule. Write in mealtimes and downtime so that you have a record of what you do with your time. Any scheduled assignments, exams, labs or other responsibilities should go on your schedule.

Update your schedule daily as new activities present themselves. Reschedule tasks that you didn’t do. Review your calendar at the end of the day to see what you have accomplished and go over the agenda for tomorrow so that when you wake up, you are executing your plan.

In addition to your electronic schedule, consider making a detailed to-do list. It can be daily, weekly or monthly. Order it based on your classes. Break down your duties and assignments in detail so that you are clear about what must get done and when. Pay attention to your list daily so that you know what you have accomplished and what is left to be done.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend will not stop accusing me of sleeping with our mutual guy friend! She doesn’t seem to understand the relationship that he and I have — we’ve known each other since we were kids, so he is more like a brother to me than anything else. I’m not sure exactly where she got the notion that he and I have slept together, but I really wish she would stop asking me. I’m also offended that she thinks I am lying to her — I am not a liar. What should I say to her to get her to stop asking me once and for all? — Not a Liar

DEAR NOT A LIAR: Why is your friend so obsessed with this notion? Perhaps she wants to sleep with this guy? Ask her. She sounds jealous and suspicious. In order to calm her down, you need to get to the root of her problem. Directly ask her why she is so obsessed with this unfounded idea.

Tell her that you do not want to talk about this anymore. Remind her of how long you two have been friends. Caution her that if she doesn’t back off with her accusations, she may harm your friendship.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.