Chatty friend may not fit in
DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend talks way too much. I personally happen to like how much she talks, but it does make me nervous about bringing her around other people. My other friends aren’t as chatty as she is. I don’t want things to get awkward when I invite my best friend around my other friends. My other friends can be blunt and harsh — I wouldn’t want them to tell her to shut up or something. I will do pretty much anything to avoid a negative or uncomfortable interaction among all of them. What should I do? — Chatty Best Friend
DEAR CHATTY BEST FRIEND: If you already know that your best friend talks too much, out of your love for her, you should tell her. Be honest and direct. Let her know that you’ve noticed that she talks a lot and tends to monopolize the conversation. Acknowledge that it doesn’t bother you — in fact, you like it. But note that she should pay attention to how she interacts in conversations, and she should work to make sure that she lets other people have a chance to talk.
When you bring her around other friends, let her be. You are not her guardian. If they get along and figure out a communication rhythm, great. If they don’t seem to connect well, stop trying to get them to hang out. But don’t put yourself in the role of being responsible for how they interact. That’s too heavy of a burden for you to take on, and it’s unnecessary.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am living in a beautiful apartment that I was able to afford through low-income housing. The apartment complex is relatively new, safe and clean. Friends and colleagues are so impressed with me for having such a nice place — my family knows how I was able to afford the place, but my friends don’t. I don’t feel entirely comfortable telling people that I am living there through affordable housing; it’s really no one’s business. What should I tell my friends when they ask how I’m able to afford such a nice place? — Nosy Friends
DEAR NOSY FRIENDS: A wonderful feature in many cities is that there is a carve-out for artists’ housing or low-income housing in new luxury apartment structures. Congratulations on finding this and benefiting from it.
You can decide what you want to share with others, but I think it could be amazing to tell the truth about what you have found. In this way, not only do you benefit from having found a wonderful space, but potentially other people in your orbit can as well.
I have a friend who has participated in the lottery system in New York City for this housing. For the past 10 years or so, he has had several apartments in beautiful settings at a fraction of the going price. There are income requirements to be met, and typically the process is a lottery. For information about the New York program, go to on.nyc. gov/3umrsfj. Look online for programs in your city as well.