Student’s parent keeps asking out teacher

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a teacher, and one of my student’s parents is constantly asking me on dates. I know that this is inappropriate, but I’m not exactly sure how to stop it. Nothing has crossed the line to where his advances have been creepy or vulgar. Also, I think that a part of me is flattered by the attention. How should I handle this? — Flirty Parent

DEAR FLIRTY PARENT: Review your school’s handbook to clarify the policy on social interactions with parents. In some instances, it is written right in the manual that teachers are not allowed to date parents of students in the school. For other schools, the rules are less defined. If it is school policy, tell this man that you are forbidden from going out with students’ parents. Period.

If the rules are vague — or even if it’s just your personal rule — tell him that your code of conduct does not allow you to date parents. You appreciate his attention, but you want him to know that you will not be crossing that line with him. After you say that, ignore him. If you give him no energy around his overtures, eventually he should stop.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Once a year on her birthday, I have dinner with my best friend and her family. Every year, her family acts like they barely remember me. I’ve seen them every year for the past six years, and they always treat me like a stranger. My friend says not to take it so personally, but I can’t help but feel insulted. I have no idea why they act this way or whether it’s really an act. What should I do? — Not a Stranger

DEAR NOT A STRANGER: Talk to your friend a bit more about this situation. You say that you are best friends. Press her to say more about her family. Remind her of how close you two are and how weird it feels that her parents are oblivious to you and your importance in their daughter’s life. Tell her that this hurts your feelings and makes you uncomfortable.

Ask her to talk to you about them and about her life as she was growing up. Learn some context about her family — anything that may help you better understand the dynamic.

Your friend is right in one respect. Most people think about themselves more than others, which means you probably shouldn’t take their snubs personally. It could be that they are focused on something entirely different than you. It could be that they have a short list of people they think of as close friends of their daughter, and you aren’t on it. It could be that so many people come for the birthday that, in their eyes, you blend in. Who knows? Find out by talking to your friend and really pushing her to tell you the truth.