Comedian’s material disappoints friend

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend recently started doing stand-up comedy. He is usually hilarious, but I found his on-stage act more offensive and playedout than funny. We are both Indian, and the jokes he made were centered around poking fun at our culture. My friend and I have spoken in the past about how annoying it is when comedians mock their parents’ accents and make tacky jokes about being children of immigrants. The audience was probably 90% white, and they all found the jokes hysterical, but I feel like my friend was selling out. If you can’t make jokes without offending people, maybe comedy isn’t your calling. Would I be wrong to approach him about his material? Am I being too sensitive? — Bad Jokes

DEAR BAD JOKES: I remember when Dave Chappelle walked away from millions of dollars because he realized making fun of his own people was too high a price. Your friend has to figure out how much is too much. You can help him by sharing your honest opinion. Remind him of his previous thoughts about jokes pertaining to your culture. Tell him exactly what bothers you and why. Let him come to his own conclusion. In the end, it is up to him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is shorter than me. We always knew this and laughed about it at first. Recently, we have been going to dress-up events, and I have worn heels. Nothing too high, like 1 1/2 inches or so. The thing is that he is already an inch or so shorter than me, so my heels make a difference. I used to wear 3- or 4-inch heels. I feel like this is already a huge compromise, but he is still unhappy. No matter what I do, I will never be shorter than him. How can I deal with this? I do not have a complex about height. I do not want to have to wear flats for the rest of my life, either. What can I do? — Middle Ground

DEAR MIDDLE GROUND: You never know what the deal-breakers are in relationships. This is your chance to find out. Remind your boyfriend that you are taller than he is. Uncomfortable for him? Yes. But real. Tell him you don’t care about the height difference, but you do care about how you dress. Tell him that you want to be able to dress your best, which means wearing dresses and heels sometimes. If he truly cannot handle you putting on heels that emphasize the height difference, you have a problem. You simply are taller than he is. You need to talk about this, let him know what makes you feel good, including occasionally wearing heels. Express your concern about him being uncomfortable with the shoes your wear. Tell him this is a deal-breaker, considering that in stocking feet you are taller than he is, anyway. His reaction will let you know if there is a future to consider or if the dance is done.