The Art Of Conversation In Simple Terms: Listen More, Talk Less

James 1:19 (KJV) says, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak … .”

The NLT says, “Listen and be wise.”

When I told a friend that there is an art to conversation, he leaned back in his chair and said, “Yeah, right!” I suppose his retort surprised me as much as my statement surprised him.

In an Oct. 5, 2015, article, Larry Alton listed “6 Tips to Rule the Art of Conversation.” Tip #5 is: “Let the other person do the talking.”

On July 21, 2014, Eric Barker listed 7 points, with his 5th point being: “Great Conversationalists Listen More than Talk.”

Brett and Kay McKay wrote “The Art of Conversation: 5 Dos and Don’ts” on Sept. 24, 2010. The #1 item in the Dos section is “Listen more than you talk.” And the #1 item in the Don’ts section is: “Don’t interrupt.” That is the best summary I’ve ever heard.

Conversation has been a hot topic for millennia. Even Plato had a lot to say about it (you can look it up later).

Much of the narrative I’ve read concerning the art of conversation was about preparing our thoughts, how to get our points across, how to guide the conversation, and much more. But for those of you who don’t have time to find and read these books, I’ll make it simple. Here is my number one advice on the Art of Conversation: Don’t Interrupt. That’s right: listen to the other person. Listen with your intelligence. Listen with your ears, your eyes, and with your emotions. Sometimes it is not what we say that makes good conversation; sometimes it is merely being there. And sometimes you don’t even need to say anything.

Years ago in New Mexico, a man came to talk about a problem he was experiencing. After seating him in my office and getting him some coffee, I asked him to tell me what’s on his mind. After about 40 minutes of non-stop talking, he said, “Pastor Linzey, I need to get back to work now, but that’s one of the best discussions I ever had with anyone about this; and I feel better. Thank you.”

As I looked out the window and watched him drive away in his pickup, I said to myself, “And all I did was listen.”

One of the most prevalent hindrances to the communication process is a discouraging concept called “interruption.” This happens in many ways, but here are four examples.

1. A discussion is being enjoyed by two people, and a third person walks up and begins to talk. This is utterly rude, for the interrupter acts as though the world revolves around him.

2. A person is talking but another person repeatedly cuts right in to finish the thought. He also interrupts to override other’s opinions with his own. The interrupter acts as though other people are either not important or their views are irrelevant.

3. Another situation is when someone asks a question, but interrupts the person as the answer is in process. My question here is: If he won’t listen to the answer, why in the world did he ask the question?

4. Some folks give a “running commentary” as the other talks. That is really disrespectful.

Interrupting someone as they are speaking is a manifestation of basic immaturity. Interrupting is just plain rude. Interrupting reveals ignorance and self- cen- teredness on the part of the interrupter, and a disregard for the one who is speaking. I consider someone who continually interrupts to be lacking common courtesy.

Stated bluntly: an interrupter does not care what the other person is saying.

As I was growing up, dad used to say, “When you talk, you’re not learning anything. But if you listen, you just might learn something. So practice listening.”