Marriage Maintenance Takes A Lot Of Focus

Years ago, a self-confident groom-to-be sat in my office with his bride-to-be for premarital counseling. My topic that evening would be “marriage maintenance.” The point I wanted to drive home was they would need to invest in their marriage just like they were in their courtship and their wedding.

I said to him, “Would you like to have a $50,000 pickup truck?”

“You bet!” was his enthusiastic response.

“So, you think you would change the oil, rotate the tires, wash it and do all the maintenance on it required to keep it looking good and running good for years?”

“Of course, I would,” he said with conviction: “Anything it needed, I would do.”

Good answer. Now for the application to marriage.

We’re willing to do what we need to do to woo that special person and then we’re willing to do whatever is needed, regardless of cost, to get that person to say “I do.” We’ll invest in date nights and gifts. We’ll reprioritize our schedules and free time to make time for the development of the relationship. We’ll take long walks and have long talks. We’ll hold hands in public so everyone knows we’re together.

But what about after the big day? What is needed to maintain and develop the marriage that comes after the wedding? If marriage came with a maintenance schedule like your vehicle does, it might include:

• Regularly scheduled date nights. Though it doesn’t need to be expensive, don’t hesitate to get a sitter every so often or set aside some money for dinner or a movie. Don’t think you can afford it? How much does divorce cost?

• Worship and pray together. I never met a couple who didn’t desire and need God to bless their marriage. He always blesses in the context of relationship. Honoring Him, seeking Him, learning from Him results in blessings for individuals and their marriage that can only come from Him.

• Share as many of the roles in marriage as possible. Rather than relying on traditional roles or how your parents did things, see the many home responsibilities as shared responsibilities. Learn how to do what needs to be done and do it.

• Allow each other some space and healthy friendships. Whether its time apart from each other occasionally to visit family or friends, those relationships usually don’t hurt marriages, they help marriages.

• Forgive each other’s foibles and faults. Remember all those things you thought were cute and quirky about each other. Do you find yourself less patient with each other the longer you’re married? Forgive each other, bear with each other, be patient with each other; love covers a multitude of sins. God loves you so much He sacrificed His only begotten Son that you might receive gracious mercy and abundant blessings. Pay it forward in your marriage and you’ll see remarkable benefits.

• Speak daily of your love and appreciation for each other. Just as importantly, show it. Mean it. Make sure your actions are consistent with your words.

My wife and I have been married to each other for more than 40 years now. It’s not by luck or by accident. We’re blessed by God in our relationship with each other because we both have a relationship with Him. The things we’ve learned, He’s taught us. And we hope you’ll take these things to heart and put them into practice. You too will be blessed if you do!