“Help! I feel like I don’t matter!”

We all want to be seen and heard—to know our contributions are valued. Here, easy ways to feel like you matter to others and to yourself

Start with you Why mattering matters

Feeling valued and adding value, is what it means to matter, reveals expert Isaac Prilleltensky, PH.D. Research proves it’s a major predictor of happiness, inspiring hope and boosting motivation. In fact, he says there are three principles at the heart of a good life, what he calls, the “golden triangle”: “Your sense of fairness precedes your sense of worthiness, which then predicts well-being.”

Just ref lecting on these facets of your life will help you gain greater awareness of how your sense of mattering is impacting you.

Enjoy more self- care

“Mattering is consistently linked with self-compassion,” says expert Gordon Flett, PH.D., explaining that self-care activities, like grounding yourself in the moment with a few deep breaths or carving out time for your favorite hobby, signals to your brain just how much you and your time are worth.

Savor your strengths

“Sometimes we really do matter to others, but we can’t see it,” says expert Susan J. Noonan, M.D., who urges interrupting automatic thoughts that fuel selfdoubt. “If you think, ‘I’m no good at anything,’ ask yourself where this belief came from, and push back: ‘This is a message from my past, but I’m pretty good at a lot of things from A to Z.’ Acknowledging the skills we bring to others helps us challenge distorted negative thinking and own our strengths.”

Spark hope Discover your ‘anchor’

What do you cherish most— family, loyalty, compassion? “Ask yourself how you can promote these principles in your life, because mattering has to be anchored in the values you bring to others,” says Prilleltensky. Taking a moment to tell yourself, “Today, I behaved compassionately toward a friend going through a tough time,” or, “I really helped someone,” cultivates a sense of worth that radiates far beyond yourself.

Express your needs

A feeling of fairness is a key component of mattering, and if you feel like it’s missing in your life, Dr. Noonan encourages speaking up. “For example, you might tell a friend, ‘I really value our relationship, but I feel like I’m not being heard,’ or, ‘I wish you had shown more support when X happened.’” Just being open like this helps deepen the connections that matter most.

Be a cheerleader

Because adding value is just as important as feeling valued, Prilleltensky encourages celebrating others’ accomplishments. “Often, people’s good deeds go unnoticed. But simply saying something like, ‘I want to hear all about your new job— tell me more,’ or, ‘You really deserve your success; you’re so talented,’ not only makes them feel like they matter, it ref lects that positivity back onto you. This improves your well-being and reassures you that you have an important place in this world.”