“Help me deepen my friendships!”

Strong ties with the families we choose slash stress, boost resilience and improve our health. Here, heartfelt ways to foster these connections

Nurture bonds Friendship love

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“Romantic love has monopolized our conception of what love means— and that diminishes our imagination,” declares psychologist Marisa G. Franco, PH.D. The next time a friend asks you for a favor, Franco suggests ref lecting on whether you would do it for a signif icant other. When a pal asked Franco to pick her up at the airport at midnight, she asked herself this very question and made the extra effort. “Going out of your way for a friend is a clear way to deepen that relationship.”

Share your affection

We tend to underestimate just how much our friends want to hear that we appreciate them. “Try to be really intentional about it,” urges Franco, recalling how she brought her best friend to tears (in the best way!) with these simple words: “I don’t know who I’d be without you.”

Focus on 3 easy keys

The deepest bonds are built on consistency, vulnerability and positivity, notes expert Shasta Nelson. “If it feels good when you talk, but you want to do it more often, focus on consistency by putting a standing phone date on the calendar,” she says. “Or if you wish your interactions were more meaningful, vulnerability may be lacking, and you might ask deeper questions.” And when it comes to feeling more joy: “We often need more positivity in our relationships, so share affirmations, like, ‘I love when you call.’ Positivity makes people gravitate to us.”

Make new pals Tap the familiarity effect

“Making new friends has less to do with where we meet them and much more to do with how often we meet,” says Nelson, noting that familiarity fosters connections. “Ask yourself, ‘Where am I willing to keep showing up?’ ” Start with your interests, whether that means volunteering, signing up for a book club or joining a religious organization. Just pinpointing the activities you want to do more of will create the regularity that ensures new friendships take root.

Be the inviter

“I have been the ‘new girl’ many times, and I’ve learned how important it is to extend yourself and follow up,” says expert Julie Fisk, recalling how, when she and her husband moved to a new neighborhood, they were the ones who made the “welcome cookies” and knocked on doors. “Be brave and be the inviter—i made two dear friends just because I invited them out to lunch one day.”

Just let yourself listen

One of the fastest ways to transform an acquaintance into good friend is through an ancient art form: listening. “Rather than tr y to come up with a response, ask questions to stay in their story,” advises Fisk. “You might say, ‘What do you want to do about ( X dilemma)?’ Or ‘Can you tell me more about that?’ We can’t always solve our friends’ problems, but we can be there for them and hear them.”