pen-pricks
• Senator Elizabeth Warren was reported to be soliciting donations for a presidential run in four years. I too have decided to run for president, just to read all the dirt and scandal and debauchery the media would dig up about my past. I think it’d be nice to piece together my 20s.
• Fox News was picketed in New York by women’s rights groups who vow to pressure advertisers until Fox sheds its sexual harassment culture. Last week, Bill O’Reilly was removed from Fox News, but it could have been a lot worse. He could have been removed from United Airlines.
• North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un vowed to incinerate the United States in a nuclear war if the U.S. Navy interferes with his missile tests. He’s made sure he will be in command of the army. Just yesterday, Kim Jong-Un promoted himself to North Korea’s highest military rank, five-foot-three.
• Palm Springs cops say the Coachella Music Festival in Indio was hit by thieves who’ve stolen over 100 cell phones. This is the world’s biggest selfie festival. It’s really cruel that during this time of spring thunderstorms, nobody has told Millennials that selfie sticks are also lightning rods.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and a speaker. His email address is argus@ argushamilton.com.