Happy, imperfect and messy families are OK
Often parents feel insecure about their parenting skills. The responsibility of raising a child can be so intense, and the reassurance for parents that they are doing a good job is close to none. We may be following advice from a book, tips on a parenting magazine or advice from family, and we are still not sure we are doing a good job.
As parents, we get pulled in so many directions it can be challenging to feel like we are successful at being parents. Daniel Huerta on Parental Love explains, “Parents are often busy, scattered and tired, and many of us feel guilty about how well we are raising our kids. Am I giving my kids the love they need? We ask ourselves.” This is so true.
With all the information available at our fingertips, we feel the pressure to be perfect parents. There’s always so much to do for our kids and we want to do it all. Healthy meals, extracurricular activities, sports, the best education, arts and crafts … everything! Whenever we are having a bad day and happen to give our kids pizza for dinner, didn’t get them signed up in time to play soccer or had to settle for a different activity than their first choice, we feel so guilty, rushed and unsuccessful.
How can we, as parents, make sure we are focusing on the right things and doing a good job raising children? One way is by making sure we are intentional about loving our children. Now, you may think you love your children, but do you know what children perceive as love? According to Parental Love, the answer is time.
There’s plenty of research showing how a child’s brain is developed more if a child is loved. It also impacts their self-confidence, ability to adapt and their level of resilience. In addition, it helps the child embrace boundaries and feel secure. On the other side, if they are neglected or experience trauma, their brains are unable to develop well and miss a lot of connections that affect them in many areas, especially relationships.
Instead of putting all of our energy into creating a perfect family, focus on creating families that are happy, imperfect and even messy. Put your energy in speaking your child’s love language: time. Make sure to take time to hug them, tell them you love them, kiss them and be silly with them. Enjoy what they enjoy. Do a messy activity and clean it up together. Show them as parents you make mistakes, and also teach them about forgiveness. Teach them happiness is not about having everything they want, but about sharing and giving to others. Every minute you spend with them interacting, playing and learning together will help them be successful, and it will help you know you are doing a good job as a parent.
Diana Maldonado is the community outreach specialist at Yuma Regional Medical Center. She can be reached at dmaldonado@yumaregional.org.