Pen-pricks

• Robert Mueller’s indictment of Paul Manafort prompted the resignation of Tony Podesta from a huge Democratic lobbying firm on Monday. That means this investigation could lead to either Trump or Hillary, or both. At every gym in Washington, rotating witch hunts could be the new cardio.

• Kathy Griffin said her former TV producer Andy Cohen harassed her by offering her cocaine in the green room of their show, Life on the D-List. This story needs to be shut down. The whole country is going to move out here if word gets out that even DListers get free cocaine in Los Angeles.

• Houston Texans owner Bob McNair apologized to his team after they took offense to his remarks at an NFL owners meeting. He told the owners that we couldn’t let the inmates take over the prison. The local billboards urge fans to Come Watch the Houston Texans, as seen on COPS.

• The White House launched an all-out campaign against the prescription drug epidemic that’s ravaging young people in America. Their high self-regard leads them to opioids. Millennials are so narcissistic that they refuse to snort cocaine because it’d block their view of themselves in the mirror.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and a speaker. His email address is argus@argushamilton.com.

I would encourage all my fellow vets to fly the American flag on Saturday, Nov. 11 and boycott