I’m failing at passwords
Ihave several online accounts that I use a few times a year and not once have I gained access without first trying several passwords and then clicking “Forgot Password” to begin the damnable process of getting a new one.
More challenging for me than the password itself is the security question. What was the first street you lived on? Apparently, when I set-up the account I typed “Mt. Airy Road,” but months later I entered “Mount Airy Road.” Sorry: Your answer does not match our records for this account.
Who was your favorite school teacher? Sheesh. Did I give them Mrs. Corwin because she wrote on my second-grade report card that my work was “extremely average?” Or was it Mr. Brooks because he doubled as the tennis coach and made me captain when I didn’t really deserve it? Or was it Miss Fox, the fifth-grade teacher on whom I had such a crush that I phoned her at home every night and spoke for over an hour?
What is your favorite breakfast cereal? Do they mean before age ten, when I would only eat Kellogg’s Sugar Corn Pops? Or later in life when someone convinced me that Special K is healthy? Are they talking about hotel breakfast buffets where Fruit Loops are free? Or do they mean at night, straight out of the box, in which case peanut-flavored Panda Puffs are an excellent choice?
After failing the security question I have to obtain a text message with a multi-digit temporary code, which is difficult because I’m only able to grasp four, maybe five, digits at a time. While typing them into the Reset Password Form on my computer the light-up screen on my phone goes dark and I can’t see the next batch of numbers. I tap my phone, and the text disappears.
Many of the sites I try to access tell me, “Your User ID and/or Password are incorrect.” Come on, which?! I have five or six IDs and maybe two dozen passwords. Do you have any idea how many possible combinations that is? Well, I don’t either, but it’s too many to try before being notified that “For your protection, your account has been locked.”
I tried using one simple password, even if it didn’t have the “strength” that most sites recommend. Here’s the problem with that: If your password is, say, StephCurry, but you forgot that you entered Curry with a capital C, then it won’t work. And when you reset that password you’ll probably be told that it’s “too similar to a recently used password.”
So, you make it StephCurry#. I’m warning you: forget that last part and you’ll wind up changing it to StephCurry@ and then StephCurry+ and pretty soon you’re back with a security question that you can’t answer.
I often stare at the screen counting the little dots in my “hidden” password, hoping for a clue. Ten dots suggests it might be StephCurry; 11 dots might mean StephCurry#.
Over the years I have watched several YouTube classes on how to set-up a single password for all accounts. Let’s just say I did worse with those tutorials than I did in Mrs. Corwin’s class.
Last month I got a new credit card through American Airlines. The last thing I need is another credit card, but this was one of those deals offering 40,000 free miles.
When I tried to log in to pay my first bill I was notified that my User ID was incorrect. I entered my gmail address, which usually works, but not this time. In desperation I tried StephCurry and KevinDurant, but no luck.
I managed, on the second try, to answer the security question, which had to do with a “favorite pet,” and was notified that I would be emailed a link with which I could “retrieve” my User ID.
After several clicks CitiBank informed me: “Your User ID is Peter Funt.” Now, how could I have ever guessed that?
A list of Peter Funt’s upcoming live appearances is available at www.CandidCamera.com. Peter Funt is a writer and speaker. His book, “Cautiously Optimistic,” is available at Amazon.com and CandidCamera.com. Copyright 2018 Peter Funt. Columns distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons, Inc., newspaper syndicate.