Pen-pricks

• Bubba Watson stormed from behind to win the Genesis Open at LA’s Riviera Country Club on Sunday for the third time. Being a PGA star is my idea of the perfect life. In what other job do you get to enjoy the income of a Republican, the sex life of a Democrat, and the work ethic of a president?

• President Trump returned to Washington and declared victory in the Russian collusion probe Monday. Democrats are scared they may not be able to nail Trump and Republicans are scared they may have to keep him. I’m no longer speaking to my imaginary friend due to our political differences.

• The New York Times reported that magazine sales have fallen ten percent this past year due to online competition. Newsweek and Time are suffering. The only periodical I read every month is British Heritage magazine, because I don’t like to clutter up my mind with opposing points of view.

• Jamaica’s Minister of Justice launched proceedings to extradite Jamaican nations to the U.S. to face trials for scamming gullible Americans out of millions in a lottery con. The cultural misunderstandings make things very difficult. For starters, Pokemon is NOT a Jamaican proctologist.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and a speaker. His email address is argus@argushamilton.com.

ASSOCIATED PRESS BUBBA WATSON PUMPS his fist after making a putt on the 13th hole during the final round of the Genesis Open golf tournament at Riviera Country Club Sunday in the Pacific Palisades area of Los Angeles.