Pen-pricks

• Psychology Today said people’s top fear is standing in front of a crowd to give a report or sell something. You must believe in what you’re saying. If you’re ever afraid to pitch an idea, remember that somebody once stood up at a meeting and said, “Let’s make a movie about a tornado full of sharks.”

• Oklahoma voters surprised the political pundits by legalizing medical marijuana in the Sooner State. Anyone who can obtain a physician’s signature on a prescription may purchase pot from a pot dispensary and smoke it privately. In a related story, the Frito-Lay plant in Tulsa is now hiring.

• Georgia passed a law that makes it a crime to hold your cell phone while you are driving a car or truck, although it’s legal to hold a gun. So the first person to make a cell phone in the shape of a pistol will make a fortune. However you can imagine the warning on the label against taking selfies.

• The New York Post quoted a group of cannabis historians who claim Jesus used marijuana to help perform his miracles. As evidence, they point to his portrait on every pack of Zig-Zag rolling papers. At the risk of carrying the joke too far, I guess that would certify Jesus as the first Holy Roller.

• The Getty Center showcased paintings of the women present at the signing of the Declaration of Independence. They wore a lot of clothes then. Strip clubs in Colonial times required a lot of patience on the audience’s part. You’d be really sick of Bach by the time they got to their pantaloons.