Pen-pricks

• The Wall Street Journal said the nation’s four percent economic growth over the last quarter could prompt a massive U.S. business boom. This week, Apple is on the verge of becoming the world’s first trillion-dollar company. That’s amazing, I had no idea the Beatles were still that popular.

• The Detroit Daily News reported Secretary of Education Betsy DeVoss’s private luxury yacht was untied at the dock and set adrift in the Great Lakes. She catches a lot of grief. For anyone who was ever educated by Betsy DeVoss, the Great Lakes are those big blue things between us and Canada.

• A Washington, D.C. psychiatrist is diagnosing several patients with Trump Anxiety Disorder, an acute fear of what the president is going do next. It could wreck the economy if the AMA certifies the disease. Half the state of California can retire early if Trump Anxiety Disorder qualifies for disability.

• The White House was rocked by CIA reports leaked to the press which claimed that satellite photos showed Kim Jung Un had gone back on his word to Trump and was building missiles once again. How dare the North Koreans lie to President Trump. Who do they think they are, his lawyer?

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and a speaker. His email address is argus@argushamilton.com.