Pen-pricks
• USA Today reported that a man in New York accused of serial Dine and Dashing — ordering, eating, then walking out on the check— has been charged with 10 felony counts of grand theft. He’s still at large. When presented with the charges, he excused himself, saying he needed to go to the bathroom.
• The Philadelphia Inquirer reported that three men were arrested in Pennsylvania and charged with 1,400 counts of having sex with animals in the forest. They made one mistake. They were busted by authorities after they submitted the stats to the Guinness Book of World Records.
• President Trump will visit Paris in November for the one-hundredth anniversary of the end of World War One. In this past century, the French taught us one great lesson. If you help someone when they’re in trouble they will always remember you, especially the next time that they’re in trouble.
• President Trump faced a firestorm as his infidelity enablers all came forward this week. It’s so ironic. If you’d told us four years ago, the next president will get in trouble for paying off a porn actress and a Playmate to avoid family humiliation, we’d have all have guessed it’d be Hillary Clinton.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and a speaker. His email address is argus@argushamilton.com.
Dear doctor — I find myself singing shoo-fly-pie at apple-pam-dowdy, is this a sign of a serious illness?
When I was three years old, I had my first dog, a little curly white poodle named “Rags.” Now why would I remember that? Why would anyone remember there are 15 letters in Rumpelstiltskin, a sonnet is a poem with 14 lines, and Sir Galahad’s father was Sir Lancelot?
When we were just kids, we met a guy down by the water tank, a tramp poet hoboing his way across the flatland. He had a dog named Jesus, a fiddle and a genuine autograph of Zane Grey.
It’s been a long time since I thought of that guy. Gosh Doc, is this a sign of something? I’m 91 years old and I can’t remember yesterday.
Jim Rickabaugh’s Aug. 19 letter mentioned the 1925 evolution vs. creationism Scopes trial.
That was not a trial. It was a media event staged by Roger Nash Baldwin, founder of the American Civil Liberties Union. Baldwin explained the ACLU’s purpose by writing: “Dictatorship is the obvious means...Communism is the goal.”
That plan is being continued by the socialist members of the Democratic Party.
As Arizona citizens we all need to be extremely concerned about the educational problems that exist in our state. We should not have waited for the teachers to have to demonstrate Red for Ed to tell us we are in trouble. We are paying our teachers one of the lowest pay scales in the entire country. Our children are performing at one of the lowest levels in the entire country.
What can we expect from our future citizens when we cannot provide for them to learn in a favorable environment? The wonderful teachers who stay here stay only because they cannot save enough money to go elsewhere and get a more appropriate living wage. Those who come and can afford to, leave in a year or two. Our homes will be devalued because of the quality of the education in the schools. Our businesses cannot thrive in areas where people will not wish to live because of low performing schools. We have such large numbers of winter visitors if our sales taxes are raised those people will be contributing to our schools. We need to find the money to make this poor situation improve.
Our children deserve better, our citizens deserve better.