Pen-pricks

• Valentine’s Day arrives today with a record number of Americans turning to online dating to find love. They say every 14 minutes, someone finds love on eHarmony. Unfortunately every 28 minutes, somebody finds the remains of someone who’d found love on eHarmony.

• Chicago was shut down by blizzards and ice storms again Monday as the coldest winter in city history continued this week. The good news is, the number of murders by gunfire in Chicago were the lowest January total that they’ve seen in nearly a century. Apparently, the hammers are freezing.

• The Christian Science Monitor reports that six state legislatures in the South are attempting to put Bible classes in public schools. The proponents of the legislation certainly mean well. It’s all part of an effort to steer Southern kids away from opioid use that’s being led by the Crystal Methodists.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and a speaker. His email address is argus@argushamilton.com.

I will miss “Non Sequitur.” In fact, I would rather read it, even after a missed profane word, than read “Phoebe and Her Unicorn” or “Breaking Cat News,” as I find those two comics to be dumb.

As for replacements I would like to suggest “Cathy,” “Hagar the Horrible,” As new residents of Yuma and subscribers to the Yuma Sun, we are