Pen-pricks
• Las Vegas Hotel Casinos last week reported the biggest third quarter revenues in the history of Sin City. Vegas makes me feel like Donald Trump AND Joe Biden. I arrive in Vegas bragging like a high roller who’s loaded with cash, and just three days later, I can’t remember where I parked my car.
• Variety reports that one of Alec Baldwin’s movie crew members on the set of Rust in New Mexico was bit by a venomous spider and has been hospitalized, and I’m rooting for him. Bad news is he could lose his arm. Good news, he’s just losing a leg short of being able to purchase a full tank of gas.
• The Labor Department said inflation rose six percent last month which is the worst jump since 1991. The good news is, the inflation in 1991 resulted in Bill and Hillary Clinton getting elected to the White House. And for eight years, all I had to do was read the news onstage to get huge laughs.
• The World Health Organization reported the number of Covid cases rose last week in Europe just as travel to America resumes. I’m personally aggravated by corporate media’s collaboration in pushing the Covid scare, especially Disney. Doc just announced that Sneezy has died after a short illness.
• The Consumer Price Index showed that inflation at the grocery store last month jumped to its highest percentage in 31 years. Be careful if you Google the new trending phrase Meat-flation. You either get news stories on high food prices or taken to a website that’s selling a Viagra knockoff.
• President Biden launched his push to get everyone a Covid shot by going on PBS to thank Big Bird for getting vaccinated. Joe forgets the Muppets have a real independent streak. Later that morning they opened Sesame Street by announcing today’s show is brought to you by the letters FJB.
• President Biden toured the Port of Baltimore to tout his infrastructure bill and try to regain his presidency’s momentum. The port became famous as an entry point for the cocaine trade in the HBO series The Wire. I come home from church and binge-watch it every Christmas Eve.
• Howard Stern said he’d beat Trump if he runs for president, becoming the latest Baby Boomer party animal to hint at a run. Clinton was a pothead, George W a drunk, Obama a cokehead, and Trump a womanizer. I only bring this up to suggest if you vote for me you’ll get four presidents in one.