GOD’S NEW DECREE ON TITHING LAID BARE
THE Almighty God has issued a decree empowering congregants to demand for re-imbursement of their tithe should they discover that church funds are not being used prudently.
Gabriel, the high Angel who also doubles as the chief aide to the Lord for press and public relations, announced the decree at a recent press briefing.
The indomitable God’s aide told a packed auditorium of international journalists mostly known for churning out fake news that God is flabbergasted at the high life-style of most church leaders at the expense of the poor tithe givers.
He said the Lord has noted with sadness that most men and women of the pulpit and their families fed on T-bone steak, village chicken, chicken sharwama and nyama ya mbuzi (goat meat) when the tithe givers themselves made do with ibondwe, delele and zigolo (sugared water).
Speaking at length on the plight of the congregants, Gabriel said God was annoyed about the conduct of some pastors who drove around in luxury cars such as the Hammer, Mitsubishi Pajero, Lexus, Toyota Prado and the Chrysler when members who beef up church coffers can hardly afford mini-bus fares; they go to church by Zamfoot instead.
He observed that some pastors live in high cost residences like Chalala, New Kasama, Woodlands, Longacres, Kabulonga and Rhodes Park and in mansions like those in Nigeria shown on television when the tithe providers squat in ghettos without electricity and running piped water.
As the cluster of media personnel present burst into the “shame” chorus, the head of the Angels disclosed that the Lord has also noted that pastors wear expensive designer suits, shoes and golden wrist watches when their flock sport well pressed salaula clothes.
“Pastors should identify themselves with their congregants by also living in squatter townships and buying clothes from bundles of salaula. This is what God wants to see in the men and women of God,” Gabriel stressed as the scribes of bogus news nodded their heads as they jotted down notes, took photographs and adjusted their recording devices.
As a result of this cheerless scenario, the skipper of the Angels said God has decreed that with immediate effect, any Godfearing character was free to claim repayment of tithe.
This measure, according to Gabriel, is meant to check alleged abuse of church funds by church leaders who even have the audacity of enrolling their children in high-cost private boarding schools when children of their flock are in dilapidated community schools with illtrained teachers and without text books and chalk.
You see, no sooner than this Godly declaration was made than a woman on the Copperbelt take heed and demanded a refund of K5, 000 in tithe paid in installments to her church.
Fifty-year old Esther Chisala has been a member of the Apostolic Faith in Zambia since 1996, paid her tithe regularly and had once served as church treasurer.
But when she noticed that her pastor was living in an expensive rented house, she advised the man of God to shift to a modest abode but he allegedly refused.
Left with no option and in conformity with the new Lord’s pronouncement, Madam Chisala dragged her church to a Chingola local court demanding to be refunded K5, 000 she had paid in tithes.
But according to Gabriel, God has now turned his wrath on the court for dismissing this well laid case and has encouraged Mama Chisala to take the matter up to the higher court of justice for further arbitration.
According to the scriptures, tithe is paid at the rate of ten percent of one’s income and those in formal employment pay at the end of each moth after receiving their salaries.
However, Madam Chisala is not alone in this tithing debacle, hundreds of Christians at a South Carolina megachurch can now request for a refund on all the money they have parted away with since March this year.
NewSpring Church, led by Pastor Perry Noble, is one of hundreds of congregations across the United States of America that has offered 90-day tithing challenges.
Participants sign up with a commitment to give 10 percent of their income or more, and if “God does not hold true to his promises of blessings” after three months, they can request their money back - no questions asked. It’s the church’s version of “satisfaction guaranteed.”
The challenge pulls inspiration from pastors who challenge their faithful to sowing the seed.
About 440 Christians were said to have joined NewSpring’s challenge. Of the more than 7, 000 participants over the past four years, fewer than 20 – that is a fraction of one percent have actually asked for their money back.
Media reports say hundreds of congregations including non-denominational, Southern Baptist, Lutheran (Missouri Synod), and United Methodist churches have adopted this approach since Life. Church debuted the challenge in the late 1990s.
A couple of years ago, Life. Church (Life dot Church) reported similar results as NewSpring; fewer than one percent of its thousands of participants have requested a refund of their tithe as well.
Back in Zambia I smell cash on the horizon.
The Zambia Revenue Authority (ZRA) says workers on the Pay As You Earn (PAYE) scheme and who faithfully pay tithe annually to their churches can claim and receive a refund from the tax authority.
According to ZRA Chipata Revenue Officer, Kafuna Maboshe, as an incentive the authority can refund faithful Christians who are good church stewards, but that most people did not know about this tithe refund.
Mr Maboshe said every citizen is obliged by law to pay tax to Government just like every Christian is obliged to return a faithful tithe to God.
“Workers who are also Christians should know that ZRA refunds tithe. All you need is to produce your payslip which shows PAYE and you also need to bring receipts from your church which should show that you have been a faithful tither,” Mr Maboshe said recently.
Look now, some mischievous and sarcastic foreign educationist is known to have said that “if you want to hide information from an African, a Zambian included, put it in writing.”
The ZRA stashed this vital special information in pages of its documents and it has remained “hidden” until recently.
Many Zambians are wallowing in poverty when they are in the midst of plenty.
Now that we know, thanks to Bwana Maboshe, we better start being in good books with a couple of pastors for the purpose of obtaining receipts of non-paid tithe for submission to ZRA for a refund and of course with a portion for the pastors’ hands.
But one question need to be cleared here: If you claim a refund from ZRA, would you still have paid tithe?
Talking about ZRA, someone has posted that the dirtiest building in Lusaka is the Musonko House at the northern end of Cairo Road.
“Don’t they (ZRA) have money to paint it? Chinese can paint for them because Zambians are afraid of heights but are good at underground work,” he writes.
If this comment is anything to go by, then government coffers will be sucked dry through unorthodox tithe refunds.
Here is today’s food for the wise:
A couple had two boys aged eight and 10, who were excessively mischievous and always getting into trouble. Residents were certain that if any ugly incident occurred in their town, the two boys were in some way involved.
The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behaviour. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman.
“We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!” the husband responded. The priest agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually starting with the younger brother.
The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?”
The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?” Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, “WHERE IS GOD?”
At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in the wardrobe. His older brother followed him into the wardrobe and asked what had happened.
The younger brother replied, “We’re in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it.”