Malachi 2:14

KEEPING our marriage is today’s topic. Never to decide to divorce. But to keep it sweet and everlasting till death do us apart. Longtime ago in the days of my father, parents chose a wife for a man. And the marriage lasted, until one of them died.

To-day it is freedom, freedom, we choose our own wives, and there are more cases of divorce than in the days of my father. On the way we have lost patience. Our quotation reads as follows: “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I will tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows”. When bad events befall man, we start wondering why. If could be due to our own behavior towards our wives. When very few will commit adultery, the majority of married men are culprits of the scandal. In most cases we fail to bring in the services of a schat’chen (a marriage broker) when we have marital problems. We should be tolerant.

In the book of Malachi 2:16, the Bible says: “For the Lord of Israel says that he hates divorce, says the Lord the God of Israel.” To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty. Says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart, do not be unfaithful to your wife.” This means to remain loyal to the wife of your youth. We should all have the same commitment to our marriages as from the first day of our vows to the day death will divide us. We should avoid treacherous behavior. The longer we stay together, the stronger should be our bond. The stronger should be our relationship. The stronger should be our mutual trust, which does not call for suspicions over flimsy circumstances. $ll of us should be a vessel unto honour (2nd Timothy 2:21).

A wife and husband should give in for each other at every given opportunity. Never to deny one another, unless reported sick. It is written in the book of Romans 7:2, thus: “for the woman who has a husband, is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. “We should try always to make our marriages, pure and holy. This is the desire of our Lord God Almighty. Adultery starts in the mind, just like anything else. Bad or good. We should control our thoughts. A strong and healthy mind will cancel out bad thoughts, and continue doing what is good. Lust is an abomination and dangerous.

Adultery starts in the mind. It is written in the Book of Matthew 15:19 thus! “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony and slander”. A strong mind will use self-control to avoid all the vices mentioned, including adultery. In Exodus 20:14, it is written thus: “you shall not commit adultery”. It is therefore against the law of God to commit adultery. Unfortunately, it can be probably the commonest reason for marriage breakdown. It contributes a very large percentage to dissolution of many marriages. If only married couples could reduce on adultery incidences, we can reduce on a large number of divorces. Because it is sin to commit adultery, it riles the Holy Spirit. It grieves the Holy Spirit. To honour God, we should avoid adultery. Many people in Zambia have met their death, because of committing adultery. It is so dangerous, it is not even supposed to be mentioned among believers. It is written in the book of Matthew 5:32, thus: “but I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery.” We need to pray without ceasing so that the Holy Spirit will always guide us from the sin of adultery. (1stThess 5:17). A woman is crowned with great honour, immediately she commits adultery, the honour is removed from her. We should be careful in the way we think, because our lives are shaped by our thoughts (Prov4:23).

Men should remain faithful to their wives, of course we realize that, without the involvement of a woman, there can be no adultery. We should allow God to play his role in our marriages, especially from the foundation stage. We should pray for the right partner, with good morals, and not rush into marriage. It is written that, if the Lord does not build the house, the work of the builders is useless. (Psalm 127:1)

We should all make the effort to make our marriages intact, by avoiding adultery. John the Baptist was beheaded because of adultery. (Matthew 14:10). Please read the scripture.

One other reason marriages, go asunder, is because of money. Money matters are always sensitive matters. Couples who both work have income, the husband and the wife, should discuss how best they will look after their resource. This must be done before they get married. They should decide, whether to have one account or separate accounts. Advantages and disadvantages for both should be properly analysed. Money should not be allowed to divide the couple. No person should love money more than the husband or the wife. It is written in the book of Matthew 6:24” No one can be a slave of two masters. He will hate one and love the other. He will be loyal to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” We live in a materialistic society. Some people will love money and hate their partners. This is not right. The love of money is the source of all evils. (1st Timothy 6:10). We should not love money more than a human being. This will create selfishness and make money to be our master. (1st Timothy 3:3). It is written in Ecclesiastes 5:10 thus; “If you love money, you will never be satisfied if you long to be rich, you will never get all you want”. Sometimes its human behavior to want more than we have. Wealthy is never sufficient, it should be no reason for causing turmoil in families.

The husband is the head of the house, and should take full responsibility of the home. He is supposed to feed his wife and the rest of the family, unless there are very good reasons for not doing that. The wife’s income is simply supplementary. The husband should not depend upon the income of the wife, unless the situation has actually tilted. What is bad for a man is to entirely depend upon the income of a woman. This is a bad dependence syndrome, which must be discarded before it takes root. There are men who enjoy driving a car bought by a woman, and they are doing nothing to improve the situation on their part. This is disgusting. The day your woman will have a change of mind, you will not blame her. A husband with the capacity to work must work. A man should be in gainful employment or business.

No person should boast about income that is coming into a home. All resources (money) come from God (Deut 8:18). It is written: “Remember that, it is the Lord your God who gives you the power to be rich”. This is like salvation, you cannot boast about it. Riches in the home should be taken as a great blessing from God and must be enjoyed by all concerned. Riches are supposed to bind together the husband and wife, and never to divide the two. It is written in 2nd Chronicles 24:10 thus;” This pleased the people and their leaders, and they brought their tax money and filled the box with it”. When God blesses the marriage with riches, we must not forget to give to the Lord God Almighty part of the money so that such riches can be used in the Temple of the Lord. Evidently this gesture will make the Lord God happy. And do not forget the poor in your family and the community (Isaiah58:6-11). If you are wise, riches are supposed to mend your marriage and not disperse it. This will make the Lord God Almighty happy. In the book of 1st Timothy 6:17, it is written thus; “Teach those who are rich in the things of this life, not to be proud, but place their hope, not in such uncertain thing as riches, but in God, who generously gives us everything for our enjoyment.” We must put our money in doing good. We must be rich in good works. We should not trust in our money but rather be thankful to God for being generous to us. It must be repeated, we must not allow riches to break our marriages but to rather mend our marriages. When we are in need, we should pray, our God of great mercy will meet us at the point of need. God never neglects prayer of faith, said in truth and earnest. When a couple prays together, God will answer. Another reason for divorce is beer-drinking. Commonest among the menfolk. When men take too much alcohol, they forget about their obligation to their wives. A woman remains sexually starved. This may lead to sexual immorality, on the part of a woman. But it is a wrong thing to do. Or a man may keep himself so busy with other things and forget his obligation to his wife. This is bad manners. It causes unnecessary confusion in the home. If this is caused by lust, it is equally bad. Arrogance is another reason for divorces. It usually comes from a wife. This is due to lack of wisdom. No respect for the husband. The wisdom of God must be applied in the way we treat our partners. You may look clever and intelligent, but respect is important for you partner. It is important for peaceful living. It is written, blessed are those who work for peace, for they will be called children of God (Matthew5:9). In a case where a partner is arrogant, it is important that we remain patient. If it is getting out of hand, than counselling may be necessary, or you wait for time to heal the wound. Time is the best healer. Just remain patient, gradually the person will come to his or her senses. After all, men and women of God, should be of great integrity. (Proverbs19:1).

Hate for the other family other than ours causes a lot misunderstanding in certain families. This condition takes a long time to heal. The way a person treats the other family with kindness and love will be a lesson to another person. Above all, looking after the other family with love and kindness will be a service to God, and not to your partner. God is not unfair, he will not forget your good works. (Hebrews6:10). Some people may simply suffer from what is called misogamy. That is hatred of marriage. For such, nothing can be done about it, only God can put it right. Unfortunately, some people may develop a condition known as misogyny, this is hatred for women. In such a case only God can find a solution to such a situation. Let us keep our marriages. May God bless our marriages. Let us keep our marriage values intact.

May the Lord God Almighty protect our President and bless him with wisdom and continue to pour peace and love upon the people of Zambia. Amen.